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"SuingForDamages will end up being the next YRM.
3 years from now we'll all laugh at this report!
Oh wait, we already are laughing."

News Archive

Hearthstone beta looking great      Sep 04 2013
As a Blizzard fan and big time MTG player I'm really looking forward to this game. -Johnny_Vegas

Drefsab makes a farewell post      Jan 24 2013
A farewell post that could easily speak for all of us, Drefsab says goodbye.


Thanks for the memories Dref!


Fixed replay upload limit      Oct 25 2011
There was an issue with the server that was limiting all file uploads to 128k... I fixed that, it was affecting people when they tried to upload large replays.


Impressive Battle Report at TeamLiquid      May 31 2011
TLAF Play Of The Week: Tyler vs RaNgeD


Greth explains the ~Nohunters FFA rules      Nov 18 2010
Greth posted this on sc2gg back in february, hopefully he doesn't mind that I reprint it here, I thought it was awesome, haha.


The Official ~NoHunters Free-For-All Rules of Conduct

An interpretation of ancient texts by the layman Greth


At the beginning of all things Starcraft a group of Internet dwellers formed a community. It was a strange tribal society that developed what some say to be 'the perfect Online Community'. Although impossible to explain so plainly without the use of poetry, flashing CGI effects and near lethal doses of LSD, I will say this:
Their language was based on the usage of expletives and using their own names as derogatory terms. They created new words out of old expletives etc... This effectively closed them off from civilized society and allowed them to thrive, in their own special way.
There was virtually no history of violence or hate. None of the discussions or online fights held any real world value. Religion, race, sexuality, all of these were used to 'communicate' and to 'identify' members of the tribe; without consequence.

Eventually tensions did rise. Fights did break out, but the tribe had found an ingenious method of preserving their peaceful cussing way of life.
You, the reader, will now gaze upon a ritual device that has been used by this highly developed tribe for the duration of Starcraftian history. Use it wisely.

The Set-Up

Players: 3-8 players.

Map: Every map in existence may be used – EXCLUDING HUNTERS IN ANY FORM. Using hunters will cause the Mighty Bengalaas God of all things Starcraft to reign down on you with the powers of terror, nuclear explosions, lightning spitting and acid belching!

Each participant should be connected by a VoIP device (this rule has been added to improve the experience, this is obviously not a part of the ancient texts).

No third party hacks may be used, all rules discussed below only have jurisdiction within the game itself, not outside the intended programming. Again, if you fail to comply, the Mighty Bengalaas will do nasty things to you.

The Rules

Rule 1:

There are no rules. Not even this one, it's just a placeholder telling you that there are no rules. So reading this was completely and utterly pointless.

Explanation of the lack of rules:

So you are confused? Ok... It's ok. We can't all be born with an IQ over 70.

Everything goes. Every tactic. Every rush. Every piece of filthy rotten cheese that your fudged up brain can think of. Every humiliating, torturing sleazy bit of disgusting Starcraft you dare put your hands on.
Form alliances, backstab, it doesn't matter. Once the counter hits zero you enter a different dimension. One where you have no friends and are only fighting to survive. Everything can be said, done and plotted. Everything you say on VoIP, chat or maybe even a quick phonecall or e-mail. Everything goes. Say GG and not mean it, back off and build up a deathfleet of carriers. It's allowed. Think of it, it's ALLOWED.

Code Of Conduct

One thing should be made clear. Once the timer hits zero everything can be said and done. But when the game is over all those participating have to let go. The FFA takes place in a different instance of existence, what happens in the FFA stays in the FFA and it is not to be taken seriously. If you cannot do this, then you are not worthy of it and you may never participate again.
To put it bluntly: 'cry more N00B'.

Also, when a player asks for 'Obs' (An observer position) one is required to give it to him. Usually this means leaving at least 1 building alive. The lobbying for vision is optional but allying for a certain 'grace period' is mandatory. In order to win the game it is allowed to kill off observers if it is certain on your part that you have the upper hand.

It is required that players attempt to win. Shifting alliances, using backhand tricks – these things are applauded. Which will be made clear in the 'awards' section.

If you lack inspiration, I strongly recommend – nay, DEMAND you to read this ancient Strategy Report by the hallowed Mattzarella who was a pioneer in FFA behaviorism:
The FFA Effect: A Starcraft Strategy Report

Victory conditions

Person who can save the replay with the longest time on it wins. This usually means that the last person to leave the game wins. If for some reason replay times are exact, the person with the most points wins. which means that having an allied victory will only result in 1 winner. There can only be one player left standing. If by some act of Mark4 there is a tie in the scores, the winner will be decided by a 1v1.

The motivation of each player is different. Some try to win, some try to take revenge, some are just too damned intoxicated to give a flying f-actory. For each case, there is a reward.

The Golden Bengalaas:
Reward to the last player standing: the factual winner of the ~NH FFA

Balls Of Steel:
Stolen from Duke Nukem in the late nineties, these balls represent the gutsiest player of the ~NH FFA. Forgoing any sort of self preservation. This is usually the first player to attack and the first one to get taken out.

Limburger Award:
A big block of stinking cheese is handed out to the player that used the most horrible opening build, (one that manages to actually do some intentional damage).

Cockroach Award:
Rewarded with a dead cockroach nailed on a moldy piece of wood: The player who survives the longest without an operational mining base.

Hitler Award:
A greasy square mustache is sent to the player that is in general, the most backstabbing, irritating and sleazy player.

The Severed Thumbs-Up Award:
A dismembered thumb pointing upwards, attached to a small marble plaque is given to the player who tried, and failed miserably. The first person to leave the game.

The Ninja Award:
A poison soaked shuriken is sent to the player who survived the longest with the least amount of unit deaths and loss of buildings. E.g. the one nobody noticed was there.

The 'Blank' Award:
Each game has its own story. If a player does something amazing or amazingly stupid, a custom award can be given to him/her.

The Badme Award:
Badme is a player of legend that would only have one purpose in a game: to nuke someone as fast as possible. This led to a general consensus among ~NH players. Badme was not to be tolerated. A tactic was devised, it was forged over the course of hundreds of games - a specific means to terminate badme with utmost precision.
The actual tactic can be found in chapter 10 of the Mattz Bible of FFAs and I will not disclose it here.

The award that is given to honour this strategy is simple: Get 3 or more people to ally against you personally, without any allies of your own.

The Dagomar Award:
Dagomar is not unlike Badme, a demigod of ~NH. Dagomar can be seen as a sort of queer Canadian version of a Greek mythological creature. He's terrifying, and he'll sodomise you with horrendous tactics, but in the end all of his units are coated in a powder blue colour and you can help feel bad for him. He's the thing that will make you realise it's just a game, and sometimes people just spent too much time on it.

The award is presented to any combatant who qualifies for at least five of the listed awards - as dictated by the ~NH disciple Maareek.


These work differently from the current form found in games that aren't as good as Starcraft.
Generally this is a form of boasting.
At the start of the game, a player can make a claim or prediction. If that player achieves the set goal, he is awarded with the 'Bronze cock of cockiness' – a bronze statue of a male chicken. Note however that setting a ridiculously easy goal such as 'mine 100 minerals' will result in all Bronze cocks being taken away. Silver and Golden Cocks remain unharmed. (This is decided by the players participating in the ~NH FFA).

5 Bronze Cocks: 1 Silver Cock
5 Silver Cocks: 1 Golden Cock = “The Ultimate Reward for Cockiness and Assholery”

Achievement examples:

“I'm going to nuke 10 expansions”
“I'm going to infest 5 Command Centers”
“I'm going to kill PsyonicReaver with only workers”
“I'm going to have a 10 kill zergling”
“I'm going to nuke you with Protoss”
“I'm going to win with scouts”

Claims can only be made within the first 3 minutes of the game.

In Closing

If you question the value of these rules, please take a look at the following reports, they are but a few of a great number found in the archive; I could post dozens:

Insane PvZ      Aug 10 2010
Great game: unconventional and uncertain right 'til the end.


Psy is ballin'      Aug 08 2010
Psy got good at Starcraft, tasted the fruits of fame, and is probably the most accomplished starcraft-obsessed missionary of all time. Check out this 2v2!


Post those SC2 replays!      Jul 28 2010
Hey people I'd love to see some replays posted, especially from people in the community here, lets see em!

I just played 10 hrs straight of single player yesterday, they did such an awesome job with that, love it.


ONE MORE DAY!!!!      Jul 26 2010
Starcraft 2 released tomorrow, hooraah!


A fun TvT Platinum game reported by ~CattleBruiser~      May 10 2010

Just like with Starcraft, ~cb~ is leading the wave of SC2 battle reports, with a report that I feel improves on his excellent first report. Carni, one of the top players in the community takes on another terran in a back and forth struggle.

Link to the Report


The legendary ~CattleBruiser~ writes his first SC2 report!      May 03 2010

Trademark ~cb~ quality in a SC2 report, full of humor and great presentation, can't miss it!


EldritchEvil's pretty awesome SC2 report      Mar 30 2010
Anyway, as promised, here is the first of several mad reports. It is the first report-worthy game so far: a 1 hour 2 minute slug-fest between myself as Protoss and some other dude as Terran. I'm was ranked #1 in my Gold division and am currently in the top 10 of my Platinum, so I'm not great and have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm not terrible. Let the game begin.


This is Not a Good Battle Report (his title not mine! -JV)

The first StarCraft II Battlereport      Mar 26 2010

All-Fear is first across the line with the very first StarCraft II BattleReport, as well as the very first BattleReport of 2010!


Report of the Week: The Pentagram Paradigm      Mar 20 2010

Here at, we haven't had a StarCraft battle report submitted in a long time. So it is with fondness that I steal something back from the past, from Mattzarella and Blitzkreig_:


The movies were... Fantastic :) Yamato cloning was quite the rush, only it was absolutely dominated by Blitz' nice zerg comeback versus the battlecruiser army. Sexy business.

And bonus points for a report that was easy on the eyes, and set in Lucida Grande.

Writing was, surprisingly, very entertaining :) Mattz kept to usual self with the contant wang references, but was otherwise (again, surprisingly) very elegant :D Had some really good laughs along the way.




Gawd, I just had to link to this ridiculous nuke video      Mar 15 2010
Nuke only FFA video, set to music


VG247 Interviews Dustin Browder      Mar 13 2010

Dustin Browder, the lead designer of Starcraft II, gave an interview to VG247

- Lucky

Yo Mommaship      Mar 11 2010

An Epic Thread in the making at forums.

Mjolnir.yasu: "Yo Mommaship so fat, it ain't the cloaking field; they hide in her shadow. "


Johnny_Vegas gets a beta email, yeeehaa      Mar 09 2010
Heh, I was oddly away from my computer all night, check it right before bed and there it is, shining like a beacon in the depths of a misty sea, a SC2 beta invite!

Thanks Blizzard!

I shall cross my fingers and hope that fellow admin LuckyNewbie received one as well.


Starcraft 2 Fan Fic      Mar 07 2010
From Cameron Dayton's new fan fiction: Broken Wide

Got Replays?      Mar 04 2010

From YaYa:

Whoot, SC2 beginning to put the replay spark in people again with new replay sites sprouting up: . I noticed they have RSS feed too. Kinda cool.

Starcraft 2 Beta begins!      Feb 18 2010
Ahh, the day has finally come for the lucky few of us to enjoy the glory that we hope SC2 will be. Alas poor Johnny_Vegas was not so lucky, but guess who was? Everyone's favorite battle reporter Mark4.

Meanwhile I'm scrambling to get some kind of new site up. Lucky and I had worked on a rewrite off and on for a year or so, but that eventually petered out for various reasons. This time around, I'm (not sure if Lucky is still interested) going to focus on a lean, updated, version of the site, with a few things added, and quite a few things left out, to re-implement as time allows. I plan on posting frequent updates as I go, so check back soon.


battlereports sub-reddit!      Nov 12 2009
We all know reddit, a great system for posting, rating, links etc... I decided could use its own sub-reddit, who knows, might turn into something right?

Loyal br fans, I call on thee to submit every battle report and quasi battle report related link you can get your hands on! is the link, my goal is to make it a companion resource to this site.



Blizz's 4th SC2 Battle Report      Oct 19 2009
Ahh, such satisfaction to see how much the term "Battle Report" has fallen into the SC lexicon.

Favorite battle report image of all time      Oct 17 2009

This reporter shows some interesting artistic innovations, nice work Threefold.


Starcraft II single player preview      Aug 17 2009

Credit motbob from TeamLiquid for finding this very well written article from about SCII single player:

"Unlike the previous game, which was entirely linear, the design idea behind the campaign mode in StarCraft II is 'choose as much story as you want.'"

I have to admit I was hesitant when I first heard the idea. Non-linear games can be fun, but they need to be done right. And when they aren't, I think they're the worst.

That said, this article had me stoked. Somewhere between "giant Zerg skulls", having your own starships, the cash rewards for completing missions (yes, cash, not minerals), and the mercenary units to hire with said cash, my cynicism bled away into sheer fanboyism. Go read.


The Third Starcraft II Battlereport      Aug 10 2009 presents a very excellent ZvP matchup between Yeon-Ho Lee and David Kim here, with commentary by Dustin Browder and Robert Simpson.

This report introduces the Nullifier, the new protoss unit capable of blocking enemy units, and features some excellent micromanagement.

Check it out!!


Edit: SC2 will *eventually* be sweet...      Aug 05 2009

According to a reliable source (yes, I have sources!), SC2 is now delayed until 2010.

"Today we announced that StarCraft II: Wings of Liberty will not be ready for release by the end of 2009. Over the past couple of weeks, it has become clear that it will take longer than expected to prepare the new for the launch of the game. The upgraded is an integral part of the StarCraft II experience and will be an essential part of all of our games moving forward. This extra development time will be critical to help us realize our vision for the service.

"Our mission is to develop games that deliver an epic entertainment experience. As part of that commitment, we will always take as much time as needed to ensure that our games and services meet the expectations of our players and the standard for quality that we set for ourselves as developers. As we work to make the premier online gaming destination, we’ll also continue to polish and refine StarCraft II, and we look forward to delivering a real-time strategy gaming experience worthy of the series’ legacy in the first half of 2010.

"We will share more details about the beta,, and StarCraft II’s launch in the future. Keep an eye on the official website at for updates, and as always, thank you for your continued enthusiasm and support for StarCraft II and all of Blizzard Entertainment’s games."

- Lucky

SC2 is gonna be sweet...      Aug 04 2009


Interesting looking dungeon crawl report      Jul 24 2009

Micro keeps things alive by posting an impressive 2 part report on a pretty cool looking Flash game.


Nice post about new observer features in SC2      Jun 29 2009
Over at SC2GG I read about the impressive new features Blizz will have in SC2 for observing games and watching replays. If there is one thing battle reporters love its better observer functionality, awesome.


Played Altitude yet?      May 09 2009
If you like fast paced, competitive, multi-player games, then you should really check out Altitude. Lamster (Erik Measure), the primary developer on the game, is an old time community member, who got his start making cool java applet games for the StrifeShadow community (remember Basillica? wish I could still play it!), and is now, years later a game programming GOD.

The game is $19.99, but you can get a lot of play out of it without actually buying the full version. I do recommend you get the full though, as it gives you access to some cool perks and upgrades, and come on the game is just really really well done.

On a side note, I suggested to Lamster to add some chat filters so younger kids could play, and he went ahead and DID IT! That's an example of awesome community support.


Empire Total War report on      Mar 17 2009
Sometimes we just resort to linking to cool reports we find elsewhere, enjoy!


Deadlock!      Mar 05 2009
Me posting news means that everyone else is slacking. Anyway go read!

An old Raider classic! Civ 3 goodness      Feb 20 2009
Writing History Part 1 Ensure you click the 'HERE' link at the bottom. thanks.


An old YRM gem      Feb 20 2009
If you missed this gem the first time it was written in 2001, then you missed a great report. YRM, JV, and Strifeshadow.

Puerto Rico report, great board game      Jan 30 2009
Sometimes board games can be better than computer/video games, as this report shows


Blizzard with a nice SC2 Vod      Dec 19 2008
I thought it was pretty cool they called it a 'Battle Report'

Anyway, its a nice battle between a terran and a protoss in Starcraft 2. The game is looking good, the pacing is very much in line with Starcraft 1, which can only be a good thing.


BW Patched!      Nov 25 2008
Patch 1.16.0 Notes (Released Monday, November 24th)
Feature Changes

  • In-game chat is now saved in replays. Note: whispers are not saved.
  • Hitting the Escape key while in the chat room will clear your typed text.
  • "/reply" (or just "/r") will send a whisper to person who most recently whispered you.

Bug Fixes

  • Fixed localization issues with "from" and "to" in whispers.
  • Starcraft now only uses as much CPU as it needs to run smoothly.


  • Fixed an exploit which allowed Zerg players to gain minerals through mutations.
  • Fixed an exploit which allowed Zerg players to recycle an upgrading building.
  • Fixed an exploit which allowed Zerg players to extend their creep with a drone.
  • Fixed an exploit which allowed Zerg players to move Drones over impassable terrain.
  • Fixed an exploit which allowed Terran players to drop a nuke anywhere on the map.
  • Fixed an exploit which allowed players to pause the game while in the pre-game lobby.

Newbius Maximus reporting debut      Oct 03 2008
Look, proof that people still write battle reports!!


The Ongoing Election Battlereport      Sep 23 2008
What can I say, other than that the posts here are:
  • High quality
  • Regular
  • Currently showing my boy winning

Check out


JV stops playing SC and news dries up      Sep 22 2008
Well its been about 2 months since I was playing SC regularly. Seems as soon as I quit playing the site dries up with hardly anything being posted.

I've still got the new site in progress, but Lucky and I have been taking a little break. Hopefully we'll get going on that again and have it ready by the end of the year.


Playing around with new 2 uploader      Jul 17 2008
Short video of uploading a bunch of files within the report submitter

(Probably requires DivX codec)


Pointless non-news!      Jul 13 2008

Visitor Map
Create your own visitor map!


PG's nohunters Late Night "Old School" Tournament      Jun 06 2008
Start Time: Friday June 20th, 11:00 PM EDT

Channel: op ~nohunters on US East (this is the home channel; games may be played on ICCup or other server if both players agree, but assume and be prepared for normal

Signups: email me (PeaceableGhost) at captainjonsolo at yahoo, or post in the forum.

Signup Deadline: Thursday, June 19th, Midnight. Final brackets will be generated by Friday June 20th, 10:30 AM EDT. After this, if you wish to play, come to the tourney channel. If there is an open bye or no-show spot, you will be inserted there.

Format: 1v1 double-elimination. Most matches will be a single game. The bracket posted on the tournament page on is the winners bracket. I will personally keep track of the losers bracket. The loser of the winners bracket and winner of the losers bracket will play a 3rd Place match, best of three: the loser gets third place and the winner plays in the Finals against the winner of the winners bracket. The Finals is also best of three.

Maps: The tournament will use the Starcraft: Brood War Ladder maps. First round games may not be played on (6)Medusa. Maps will be decided by mutual agreement between players; (2)Fading Realm is the default map in case of disagreement. For the 3rd Place match and finals, the higher-placed player will choose the first map, and further matches will be the choice of the preceding game's loser.

To make observing and refereeing (for the final games) easier, all players please download Bob the Newt's observer maps (link or available via's downloads page). Unless an observer version of (2)Showdown can be found, that map will not be allowed in the 3rd Place match and Finals.

Prizes: 1st - $45/2nd - $30/3rd - $15, and $10 style prize. The style prize goes to the player who wins a game with the most classy play. To qualify, you must submit your candidate game to me via email by June 24th. The winner will be decided by myself and an additional committee.

Prize money will be distributed by PayPal payment. If you win, contact me to claim your prize money. If you do not have PayPal, be absolutely sure to either arrange an alternate payment method - quickly! - or specify a charity to which you would like your prize donated. After June 30th, all unclaimed prize money (with the possible exception of the style prize, depending on the length of the selection process) will be donated to charity, probably Child's Play.

Replays: All games are to be saved. The winner of each game is responsible for saving a replay and emailing it to me (however, losers please save replays as well in case of missing or corrupted files). I will collect all replays and put together a tournament replay pack which will be made available as soon as complete. When you email me your replays, please indicate if 3rd party programs were used which may interfere with "normal" viewing of the replay.

Observers: Any game may be observed at the discretion of both players. 3rd Place and Finals matches will be refereed. Any bad manner observing (revealing strategy, insulting players or other observers, etc.) will result in a ban from observing further games. Games compromised by observers will be replayed.

Miscellaneous: Good manner gaming is expected. Any use of hacks or bm bugs will result in disqualification from further tournament play. If you signed up for the tournament and do not show in time for the first round, you will not be able to play. There will be a wide range of skill and experience in the tournament, so please do not complain about the quality of your opponents' play. If you have further questions or would like either to referee or to be on the style committee, email me. Have fun and good gaming!

Razer TSL Finals today      Jun 01 2008
Don't miss the Razer TSL Finals today. I've been watching many of these, especially the terran games and have really enjoyed it. Normally Artosis from Ascension fame has been commentating, but he is now playing in WCG USA so we might not see him. Chill and Day[9] are doing a great job anyway.

I am pretty bummed its PvP for the finals with no terran, but you'd expect the imbalanced race to dominate.

BRAT_OK manhandled Nony yesterday for 3rd place and $1000. You could not help but root for the Russian bear being the lone terran in the top 8.


Psyonic_Reaver commentates on a JV iccup game      May 31 2008
See how Johnny_Vegas defends the dreaded DT drop! Will he survive? Count the newb mistakes in this epic D level iccup game.

part 1


comments here

Starcraft Past to Present      May 31 2008
This was posted on youtube by Luckyfool, and here on we are about nothing if we are not about preserving Starcraft history. Check it out.

Mattz writes about a UO adventure      May 26 2008
Serial battle reporter Mattzerella has released a report on his experience starting a new character in the first great MMORPG, Ultima Online. Like a cup of hot tea on a rainy sunday, the report is written in a relaxing and easy going style, enhanced of course by gay humor.

Island of sand      May 17 2008
I talked to my good friend Greth yesterday, who was working on an interesting article. His idea was to compile a list of all the old Starcraft sites on the net, to bring attention to them and drive traffic to them. His term for these sites, and for itself, was "Islands of sand".

I thought that was a pretty interesting description. It made me think of this site and where it now fits in the SC community. Most people refer to as an ancient relic from times past. I can't argue with that. I don't think the lack of reports lately has anything to do with a not so user friendly report submitter, or an outdated web design. VODs provide more enjoyment for most people and are faster and easier to create than battle reports.

So why doesn't have more vods? Simple. Its culture wouldn't allow it. VODs were submitted, quite a few, but those commentators stopped after receiving luke warm ratings from the "old school raters" judging them on the measuring stick that one would judge a traditional battle report. You know what? The raters were stuck between a rock and a hard place. To give the VODs great ratings was to spit on the shoes of all the battle reporters that spend 10 hours on battle report masterpieces. It was an apples to oranges comparison. After this, the site lost its way for a while.

Quickly creating a VOD category probably was a good solution, but Lucky and I were in the middle of rewriting the website from the ground up so we decided not to stop that work to crank out a new content category that utilized "the old code". Also I guess I'm not in that much of a hurry considering the site has been going for 9 years, I'd rather focus on quality. We'll support VODs, reports and a lot more, in due time. Life has got in the way for Lucky and I lately.

For the direction of the site going forward, yes we'll get the new design up, it'll still be primarily a Starcraft site, and yes we'll support battle report writing and viewing. I will however spend less time on new authoring tools and report writing tools than I had previously planned, and more time creating tools for the user. The focus of the site will not be to round up a "staff" of content writers, be they commentators, or writers, or what not. The focus will be on letting ANYONE with the time, ambition, creativity, and pluck (yes I said pluck, damn it) to create something. If this were a corporation the mission statement would be something like: "To let gamers be creative".

Now and then someone I know from the community will chat with me and lament the fact that the site has slowed down and been left behind in the hustle and bustle of SC2, and VODs, and what not. I say this. Don't worry about the site, its not dead, its just in hibernation. Like a hydra evolving into a lurker, it will transform and proceed to rape your scvs.


Starcraft in 3D project Revolution      Apr 08 2008
This is kinda neat. A starcraft conversion using War3's engine. Only terrans are playable. Looks kinda interesting, not sure it'll catch on though, as the game plays the same, just looks "different".

check out the video here


goodgametv goes live with Psyonic_Reaver and Diggity      Apr 06 2008
Right now it's in the alpha stage but click on menu and scroll down to find "StarCraft: Frontline"


Artosis hits #11 in the TSL standings      Apr 03 2008
If you watch Ascension you might be a fan of Artosis, commentator (as I am) along with Gentho. We at love these guys, and I was pleased to see that not only can Artosis commentate but he's in 11th place right now in the TSL.

Check the standings for your favorite player

And Artosis, if you read this, send me some replays!


Haha      Apr 01 2008
That whacky blizzard cracks me up


The Ultimate War Simulation Game      Mar 27 2008
Check out, the ultimate War Simulation Game

Well, below is my open letter to the real time strategy gaming cartel. I want a war simulation. A real one. I don't want little cartoon tanks jostling around in a video sandbox chewing down each other's health meters, while a preteen opponent insults my sexuality using every key on his keyboard except the ones with letters.

-JV down      Mar 17 2008
We all noticed was down today, and rumor is that Skew pulled the plug because of a lack of content. This is all quite shocking to the BW community, as this was a hugely popular commentary series of non-korean SC pros.

I searched the BrightCove website and DID find that all the old vods are still up, so watch them while you have the chance!

Ascension by Gentho and Artosis.

UPDATE - got this email from Gentho:

Ascension isn't gone :) We're just having some technical difficulties due to losing our webmaster.

Thanks for your concern :)



ZERG UNVEILED      Mar 09 2008

Yeah, this is big. LOTS of new units, including a much more badass queen, really innovative units called corrupters, and far more. Check out gameplay videos, screenshots and interviews HERE!


Ascension group 11      Feb 25 2008
Ascension group 11 is up!, I only saw a couple of games... maybe they are in the middle of uploading now, not sure!

This is an awesome non-korean pro SC tourney if you somehow have been living under a rock for the last 3 months.

Oh, and please check out the Star Invitational VODs if you haven't. Tasteless is a great commentator as well, commentating live from the actual event!


Round 2 of Ascension      Feb 15 2008
I think its safe to say that there has been nothing more entertaining to Starcraft players these days than the masterful Ascension commentated by Gentho and Artosis.

Round 2, group 10 has just been released, check it out!!


Group 7 of Ascension is Up!      Jan 22 2008
A truly excellent group this week, and an amazing series of games. Check out some of the best VOD's around, right here!

Also, I'm sorry to report that, in a shocking twist, crashed out of the 2on2 tourney after failing to get through the first round. Apparently, Raider's skill "is pity." Hey: we may not know StarCraft, but at least we know English!

(If all the players were good I'd have no one to play with. -JV)


Gentho submits a very cool War 3 report!      Jan 19 2008
Check out this great VOD/Report by pro rts player/commentator Gentho, of and Micro Media (home of Ascension) fame!

Team Wades into Battle!      Jan 10 2008

All that's at stake is eternal glory, StarCraft immortality, and Psy's virgnity.

That's right: has joined the 2008 2on2 StarCraft Fansite Tournament. Representing our corner of the internet: Raider and Psyonic_Reaver. Each player has his own strengths and weaknesses, and in order to give our first-round opponent, "," a fighting shot, I've decided to write a brief Player Bio to rally support behind our champions.

Psyonic_Reaver (LEFT): One of the nerdiest gamers ever to set intellectual foot within the bowels of, Psy's foremost ambition is to become the best StarCraft player in site history. He's well on his way to supplanting Corbalt and Eriador for that title, having recently discovered that pileups in the thousands are usually better avoided. In all seriousness, Psy has a relatively sound knowledge of the game and will no doubt prove a worthy yin to Raider's yang. And yes: I almost wrote "wang."

Raider (RIGHT): Like Psy, Raider is a consistantly excellent battlereporter granted the incomparable honour of representing Raider has a strong grasp of the fundamentals of the 2v2, although he is 1-467 against Redneck_Firebat. He is the alpha male - the pants-wearer - in this terrific twosome, commanding respect and giving orders in typically dictatorial fashion. Usually selecting "random" in 2v2 competition, Raider will have the chance to shock and awe his opposition with the surprise of an unexpected race. Also, judging by the picture I found, he's better looking than Psy. Sorry, Psy.

With these two as our champions, how could possibly lose this tourney? Even against professional gamers - it's simply impossible. Good luck guys!


PsyonicReaver commentates on ODT Group F      Jan 09 2008
Check out some great VODs that our good friend PsyonicReaver has created, nice work Psy!

Game 1 Light vs Midas

Game 2 Rock vs Sea

Game 3 Rock vs Midas

Game 4 Light vs Sea

Game 5 Midas vs Sea


Week Five of Ascension is Up      Jan 06 2008
If you haven't been keeping track, the fifth week of the internet's best StarCraft VOD series is up!

Also, have a look at some of our new replays, many haven't been posted elsewhere, and they're certainly lots of fun.


Check out game 5, it ruled!!!! -JV

RSS Feed added      Jan 05 2008
I added an RSS Feed link below the menu, (removing the paypal donate button to save space). you can add it to your feed reader, also I'd like to encourage other Starcraft sites to feel free to subscribe to the feed and display links to our battle reports on their site (hey, free content for you!). I have a script that will allow you to do so here: rss parsing script which uses magpie library.


A great year!      Jan 01 2008
2007 is come and gone, and with it we have seen renewed activity in the community. Just off the top of my head here are some encouraging things for the future of our site, and the Starcraft community in general.
  • Starcraft 2 announced and playable and looking crazy good.
  • a lot more starcraft being played
  • a lot more battle reports written!
  • VODs making the pro games more accessible
  • replays and tournaments popularity is up
  • forum very active
  • a lot of starcraft sites popping up
  • site has been getting a lot of programming/gfx help from the likes of Lucky and Zerg~Ling.
  • Awesome reports, forum postings, etc.. from New and Old school reporters alike, such as Psyonic_Reaver(really helping VODs take off), Raider, Maareek, Drefsab, DeonPeon, ThreeFold, wow you guys rock.


New Years Resolutions      Jan 01 2008
This year my resolution is to Become a better zergling while also dieing a little faster in NetHack so I can spend more time with the family.


Exceptionally Good VODS      Dec 29 2007

A big thanks to Artosis and Gentho for providing us with some thoroughly excellent VODs from their recent "Ascension" event that pitted some of the best international StarCraft players against one another.

Here's a link to Artosis' forum post and another to the VODs themselves.


The shortest-lived business venture ever      Dec 28 2007 bit the dust, after the "business elements" were alarmed that there was a drop in hits around Christmas time. Wonder why that could be.

So, former patrons, while we won't pay for your YouTube videos, you're most certainly welcome here to keep the VODs alive!


*UPDATE* So I guess the site is back up.. I don't know what is going on.


World Cyber Games champ Gentho premier report      Dec 27 2007
Hello and welcome. This is Johnny_Vegas, presenting to you all for the first time ever a battle report by pro RTS champion Gentho (more about Gentho). Not having followed the World Cyber Games, I first heard of Gentho after seeing the highly informative starcraft guides he has at After watching some of his videos, I thought that we'ers would be the perfect audience, for his insightful commentating. This is a ICCUP 2v2 game, featuring some high quality video and commentating by Gentho on one of his own games. He graciously agreed to post this report, and if we are lucky there may be more in the future. Lets give him a warm welcome!

Check it out

Also I'd like to mention a really Great treatment of RollerCoaster Tycoon by Threefold. Well presented and well written tutorial style report of a classic game.


More Christmas Cheer!      Dec 25 2007
Well, if hanging out with your family and sipping eggnog and getting lots of presents and watching Lebron James and Dwyane Wade play on ABC wasn't enough, DeonPeon has just released a fun new battlereport! This one covers one of the craziest games I've ever been a part of: a wild FFA on Predator. It even features JV being blatantly BM (I taught him well . . . . ). Go check it out!


Merry Christmas      Dec 24 2007
OSL Finals - Game 1

It sure as heck beats that piece of coal I got. Johnny_Vegas presents the first BattleReport of the OSL finals!

Go read it.


Do you hear what I hear?      Dec 22 2007

Johnny_Vegas has granted me with the mighty powers to post news. My first act as news poster is to inform you all that my LIVE commentary of the OSL Finals is being posted in a new part of the website.

Hope you all enjoy it! Written reports will soon follow!


*UPDATE* Check out Greth's recent contribution to the community. It is funny, witty, and shows the reason why audio commentary can be fun. You can literally hear the sarcasm dripping from his mouth.

New Reports Galore!      Dec 19 2007
It's a testament to the continued strength and creativity of the community that, nearly ten years after the release of the first StarCraft, our contributors still find ways to describe their games in ways not seen before.

On that note, Psyonic_Reaver has created another of his ground-breaking audio-battlereport-things - this one a touch better than his first.

DesertDemon has also submitted a new battlereport; barebones indeed, but a pleasant bit of light reading.

Last, but certainly not least, Feanor has released a truly excellent Deus Ex battlereport that surely ranks among his finest. Have a look here!

On another note, the Terran Nomad is out. I think it's ugly; well, nobody thinks it looks good, but it's cool to see it build things, I guess. Sure is a far cry from the Mothership, though. And when will we see those Zerg?

Finally, I encourage you all to check out our replay section. There have been so truly excellent replays submitted, and you'll notice we've cut down on spam. Give it a look!

-|]agomar teams up with      Dec 16 2007
Hey guys. I've been talking to eggy over at, about sharing content between our sites in an effort to give our contributors more recognition and more of an audience.

So our plan in general is to give access to our new battle reports (and maybe the last 50 reports as well), and in return they'll be providing us with a feed of their video commentaries, with descriptions, etc...

I will create a separate section of the site for viewing the commentaries, and will allow comments and ratings. I really think this is good for both sites.

I am still working on redoing most of the site's code, as well as providing more features and making the reporting experience more rewarding, but that is going to take a while, and this is a more near term change.



Drefsab turns coal into a DIAMOND!      Dec 11 2007
So Drefsab logs on to op ~nohunters, first time in a long time. We TvZ on dire straits, nothing special. After the game is over, he excitedly tells me he's going to BR it. Your average reporter would have considered it a non-event, but then again Drefsab is no average reporter...

In Vegas official report, he states that the second squad was sent in to clean up the remaining hatcheries, that the sunken colonies were not in a position to protect anything vital. What he fails to explain is why he felt it necessary to include a medic if the sunken colonies werent a threat.

The Deposition of Sergeant Moses


Video Battle Reporting Guide      Dec 08 2007
I created this guide for anyone interested in creating Starcraft (or other) video battle reports.

I went for cheap ($37 total software cost) and used FRAPS, Audacity, and VirtualDub but there are many other ways you could do this, including using HyperCam or Camtasia.

*UPDATE* - Psyonic_Reaver made another awesome video reporting guide check it out!!


The Very First Video BR      Dec 02 2007

Look out, Internet: Psyonic_Reaver has learned how to cut video and put it on YouTube

You can comment on it here.

This is a 4 part video, check out the report for the other three, because thats about four times more Psy than I want to put on the front page.


Sex, Drugs, and Starcraft: The Johnny Vegas Story      Nov 21 2007
Psyonic_Reaver just released a lengthy and fairly detailed interview with Johnny_Vegas, the beloved creator/god of our site. JV and Psy suggest Canada's economy is poor and bizzarely infer Egypt is in Mesopotamia, just cause they're badass that way. They also talk about random obscure games and battlereports trivia. Anyway, if you're into the site, check out their banter. Strangely, by the way, Psy did not bother to release an accompanying battlereport. Could part 2 be in the works . . . ?

In completely unrelated news, the rookmark rankings have been updated, by - who else - JV. Someone should really release some reports to knock me from the #1 spot (but then, of course, Mark4 might well be ahead of me, anyway). Come on guys!

Halo 3, Halo 3, Halo 3      Nov 15 2007

What they are saying.....

I really enjoyed that. I haven't played Halo 3, but now I'm thinking I may have too.

Obviously the pics helped out the report greatly, but they seemed kind of ... I dunno, there was something about them I wasn't really feeling. I love that double laser kill collage, though, that's fuckin hilarious.
Nice to have something new and refreshing. The write was well written, and I had an easy time understanding the game since I've played it. *I don't own an XBox 360 though.* That double laser kill picture was hilarious. *I'M A CHARGIN MY LAZZAH!*


KingWombat reports on classic MediEvil PS game      Oct 03 2007

The only report your liable to find the phrase "Why, thank you, goat head". A solid picture filled report, of a game most of us have never played, or probably heard of.


Raider in an impossible battle!!      Sep 20 2007
Raider has no chance in this broodwar matchup. Read the report to see how he deals with being completely overmatched by a dishonest opponent!


News Galore!      Sep 06 2007
You know, we may not get quite as many reports as we used to, but the ones even new reporters submit are quality. Reporting newbie Stacker just released a really great new report on the game that time forgot: Commander Keen 2: Aliens Kidnapped My Babysitter. Just kidding, it's Warcraft III. Check it out, you won't regret it!

In completely unrelated news, Blizzard has released some more StarCraft 2 stuff. Check out the beloved Mothership's info page right here, it looks pretty cool except for the lack of the black hole ability. Actually, if you want to leave some input on the Mothership that Blizzard will actually have a look at, have a look at these forums.


StarCraft II Update and Site Redesign      Aug 24 2007
There's a new StarCraft II unit up at the official website. The Banshee is a really interesting little ship that addresses an important weakness in current Terran air. Now, you'll be able to build cheap air units that can actually do some damage to ground troops. About time!

In site news, we've developed a template of the new site graphics. A big thanks to Mattzarella for his input and Zerg~Ling for his mad photoshop skillz. Post your feedback on the forum; you can find the thread here! thanks Maar :)

Some Interesting Stuff      Aug 16 2007
The replay section has been heating up as of late, and just two days ago we received two particularly interesting submissions. Lemon has graced us with a couple replays showcasing the most amazing micro I've seen in years. Apparently three mutas are more invincible than a group of battlecruisers - when used properly. Check out the best replay of the pair, right here!

Blizzard has also decided to release a StarCraft II update. The latest information is about the beloved Dark Templar, which now looks extra badass and has a cool new weapon. Have a look!


First StarCraft II Battlereport!      Aug 07 2007
Psyonic_Reaver has released an incredibly entertaining (and typically nerdy) summary of his experiences at Blizzcon. Featuring the first-ever StarCraft II battlereports (that's right, note the plural), the first discussion of StarCraft II strategies. some fun little stories and the most disappointing photos of "HOT" Asian girls ever, Psyonic_Reaver's report ranks as one of the year's best. Check it out here!

Being a competant and dedicated nerd, Psyonic has also graced us with a cool StarCraft I battlereport between himself and some Korean dude. It's well worth the read - have a look!

Finally, a few miscellaneous StarCraft II updates. The Xel Naga are back . . . but the Tempest unit is out, and has been replaced by the original Carrier. Also, the Mothership has unfortunately been overly nerfed. Meanwhile, the reaver's gone, but Medics look to be in. Blizzcon has provided us with some really cool updates and even some interesting videos; check out the official StarCraft II website for more!


Amazing New Report      Jul 30 2007
Mattzarella wasted little time since becoming a rater to release a spectacular new FFA battlereport! The report features everything you'd want in a classic StarCraft Free For All Battlereport: well-known [gay] players, a massively long introduction, huge, over-the-top collages and a preponderance of extremely well-written text. A big thanks to Mattz for helping to revitalize the site - now do the man a favour and leave a comment (or two).

New Rater!      Jul 27 2007
Today we welcome a very well-endowed man into our highly exclusive rating fraternity. Well, actually a couple days ago, but I am lazy and didn't post earlier. Also, it's no longer exclusive, since apparently we're letting the likes of him in. Either way, a big congrats to Mattzarella! In all seriousness, an accolade long since deserved for one of the site's most beloved personalities, and best reporters.

Decay has also released a really fun StarCraft report with a truly bizarre colour scheme. Describing an especially hectic FFA where everyone allies against me (figures), the report is certainly one of the year's very best.


Updates!      Jul 25 2007
First off, we have a new and [hopefully improved] FAQ! There's more questions answered - some concerning the site redesign - while I've expanded on most answers. Meanwhile, Lucky lent some of his prodigious expertise to grant the section a cool new CSS layout. Check it out!

More importantly perhaps, Lucky's also given us a really great new feature: a quote editor that any report rater can use. The bottom line: new quotes by the barrel. You can see more details (and thank the resident Mexican) right here!


Tourney Manager Bracket Retriever Thingy      Jul 24 2007
I was looking at the tourney manager tonight and thought to myself, "If I had a clan site, wouldn't I want to display the brackets on my own site sometimes?". In fact, I think people had emailed me this very request years ago, and I never had a chance, or thought I didn't have time.

Heck, maybe you just want to make the brackets visible for your office softball tournament and you don't want to link your boss to, because he'd think less of you (lies!).

So I whipped up a PHP script which I call the Tournament Bracket Retriever.

The only catch is you gotta have PHP installed on your website or it won't work, but cmon' what decent web server doesn't have that these days? (sorry IIS guys)

-Johnny_Vegas (email me your questions or comments, I am starved for attention.)

New SC2 Info and New Wiki Posts      Jul 21 2007
Some preliminary reports from Korean and German magazines have given us loads of new information on the Terrans and Protoss. We've even got some rough statistics now: the Mothership will apparently cost 400 minerals, 400 gas and 10 supply, and its upgrades will run you 300 minerals and gas apiece. Meanwhile, the Collosus will be twice as expensive as the Reaver. Also, it looks like the Thor will have some interesting weaknesses, while medics may not be implemented at all. Look for more information on Wednesday, in the meantime you can find all this and more right here.

There have also been some especially informative articles written on our Wiki as of late, headlined by an incomplete yet intriguing look at Mark4, penned by JV himself. There's also a writing guide from yours truly, to go with Maareek's CSS guide. Meanwhile, LuckyNewbie, myself, Mattzarella and YourRoleModel all received particularly detailed entries. Have a look!


Power Overwhelming      Jul 19 2007
Blizzard released some information on the Twilight Archon today, and damn it looks good. Even better, it looks like Blizzard has decided to scrap the Soul Hunter. Read about the decision on the forums, right here. Thanks again to StarCraft Legacy for reporting these latest updates!

Also, be sure to check out our progress on the Wiki. Before long, we'll be opening editing to respected members of the community who have not yet been appointed as raters. Stay tuned!


New StarCraft II Information and a Wiki!      Jul 12 2007
I admit: I like big ships.

First off, Blizzard released eleven new screenshots yesterday showcasing new units, new terrains and new special abilities. Hell, there's even a psionic storm. They're viewable through IGN, right here. And yes, they look very, very cool.

IGN has also released an interview with Tony Hsu, StarCraft II's associate producer. According to the interview we'll be finding out alot more at Blizzcon, but the article does contain some intriguing information. Looks like you'll be able to merge a dark templar and a high templar to form a twilight archon, for instance. That's the nerdiest sentence I've written in years.

There's also new information about what may end up being the most important unit in the Protoss airforce: the warpray. I'll be building a million of these, not surprisingly.

Also, here's a link to a fairly extensive question and answer session with StarCraft II's lead designer. Lots of interesting little points; zerglings, for example, will end up looking different than they do in the screenshots we've seen. A big thanks to StarCraft Legacy and zip_disk for their attempts to keep us updated!

Finally, some info about our own site! JV has graciously created a wiki. Bear in mind this feature is still in its infancy, but it's an example of how, little by little, we'll be upgrading this site in preparation for StarCraft II.


New reports in da house!      Jul 03 2007
x]FS[x has decided to grace us with a really solid Warcraft 3 report that's certainly worth its high rating.

Meanwhile, Psyonic_Reaver has continued his nerdtastic reporting surge by submitting an entertaining little piece complete with old-school background.

Last but not least, it looks like op ~nohunters on is a pretty crowded place again - at least on weekends. Let the BM observing and overblown FFAs begin!


Some news      Jun 17 2007
First off, I'm an admin now. Someone has to keep Lucky in check!

Second, check out a new Starcraft 2 gameplay video! Looks like some of our favourite units are back.


Omg reports!!      Jun 12 2007 is a pretty hoppin' place these days. Feanor, maareek (2), mattz, psy (2), and now even x]FS[x and PeaceableGhost have all written some pretty stellar work.

And I'm pretty much the worst admin ever for waiting so long to post a news item about it. Go and read


JV is the man      Jun 02 2007
Goodbye, banlist.txt. Goodbye, forum and comment spam. This weekend Johnny_Vegas has killed them both in one foul swoop. POW! Right in the kisser.

May your experience be all that much better from this day forward.

- LN

Good things come in 2      May 19 2007
Part 2:



omg sc2      May 18 2007


Poke her? But I barely know her!      Mar 16 2007
NoBBiR throws hit hat into the ring with 2007's first poker battlereport, and the third ever submitted. Yahoo!

Go read it.

Some nice reps in the replay section      Feb 04 2007
First off we have this gem from Zerg-Flesh involving a very tight PvP on the new map Tau Cross that comes down to the last few units. Really nice game.

Next we have a PvT on R-Point between a top foreigner and a semi-pro Korean. Carriers, dweb, storms, against the sheer strength of 3-3 metal. Worth a watch.

Finally, we have another PvT, this time involving myself and a clanmate on Rush Hour 3. The highlight of the game is easily the bat drop he performs on my probes...but hell, that's worth a watch in and of itself, isn't it? ;)~

- Maareek

The Iraq Battle Report      Dec 06 2006
Veteran reporter James Baker III has published his battle report about the current Iraq war. Go read it and make yourself smart.


To Hong Kong and Back Again      Nov 30 2006

Feanor is back, bringing the latest installment in his Deus Ex series. Will our protagonist's killswitch be activated before he finds Tracer Tong? Will a poor housekeeping lady be shot in the back?

There's only one way to find out, ladies and gentlemen.

Go read now.


Warcraft What?      Oct 02 2006
Admit it. Deep down inside we all still want to play some great warcraft. Don't you miss those skittle colored battles you could just gape at until you realize you forgot to micromanage your army?

That's what Augury is here for. To help you remember. To spread the love



An old semi-controversial report is back and with the same old excellent grammar.

- Who'sGotLag.IDO

A Once In a Week-time Opportunity      Aug 15 2006

...and seriously, who doesn't want to be in a battlereport of such epic proportions? I'm not talking some sissy little chickenscratch of report. I won't make rows of pictures like maareek. I'm not going to make this about some fruity console game like mattzarella. I'll run this through a spellchecker, unlike Raider. And I sure as hell won't make this a Blood Bath report like Desert Demon. No sir, this is going to be the most excellent thing to happen to you since, well, Monday ended.

The only problem is, I need people. I have a couple, but experience dictates that a forum post doesn't get me the eight I need. This is where you come in. Show up at 8 PM EST this Friday, August 18, and be remembered until the report gets pushed off the frontpage.

Get details (and reserve yourself a spot) in this thread. I hope to see you all there.


Quite possibly the best replay ever      Aug 15 2006
Despite Maareek's attempts to let it slip under the radar, I command all of you to go watch this replay.

It is so good I won't even bother trying to describe it. Go. Go now.

- LN

Final Fantasy Tactics report      Jul 19 2006
Mattz writes his first report in almost two years! Check out the crazy art he used in this Final Fantasy Tactics report.

In 1998, following the enormous success of Final Fantasy 7 and other games in the series, Squaresoft released Final Fantasy Tactics, a tactical turn-based RPG with battles playing out on isometric maps in the politically disturbed land of Ivalice. The plot was rich and juicy, the characters were moody and prone to murder as they always are, and the battle system was was an extremely fun blend of old Final Fantasy spells and attacks as well as a new form of fighting out battles in 3D rotatable maps. It was no wonder that the game was a success.


Tournament Updates      Jun 17 2006
First is first, and that means of course the rules & brackets:

Update! We have a winner! While many were expecting a Keanu_Reaver vs Fox^1 final match, we weren't expecting it to be for third place!

This years finals were between lnept and born-to-porn, AKA o]BP[o of Team Areola. BP made running wins to cap the series 2-1 and earn 30 USD (which is like what... 10 Euros?).

Replays can be found at the Tournament Page, or in this Zip Package

Thanks to everyone for the great turnout, and especially Psyonic_Reaver for organizing (and bankrolling) the whole deal! There's already talk about a 2v2 and free-for-all tournaments, so if you missed out be sure to check the news for upcoming events.

1st - born-to-porn ($20)
2nd - lnept ($15)
3rd - Fox^1 ($8)
4th - Keanu_Reaver($2)


Tournament, Redux      Jun 14 2006
Okay, first time was just a test. Real details follow: Brood War Tournament 2006

When: 11:30 AM EST Saturday, June 17th 2006
Deadline: Midnight EST, Friday June 16th 2006
Who: You, loyal users of over the years!
Structure: 1v1 Single-Elimination
1st - 30 USD
2nd - 15 USD
3rd - 8 USD
4th - 2 USD

To register, please e-mail Psyonic_Reaver to register, with "Register" in the subject line. Registration is free.

If you want to add to the prize pool (being paid out of Psy's pocket), I'm sure Mr.Reaver wouldn't mind.


Can't tell time? This Java countdown timer will dumb it down for you.

Play Starcraft -- Like a Pro!!      Jun 05 2006
Halp meh Zilaes!! NewbEye has crafted the complete starcraft strategy guide. Spread the word, and "prepare to get schooled."

The School of Starcraft

Praetors Civilization series done?      May 06 2006
For those of you who really wanted to know the conclusion to .Praetor's Civilization report series.

"Yes, I'm a flake. No, I can't ever finish it. Yes, I added a (very quick) summary of the rest of the game to the end of this report." -.Praetor

For shame Praetor. Shame! =)

- Who'sGotLag.IDO

Two New Raters!      Apr 28 2006
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you two more into the hall of retired and lazy battlereporters: Desert_Demon and Maareek.

So go finish that report and get lots of ratings! Before JV screws with the forum again!

- LuckyNewbie

Report Categorization      Apr 25 2006
Now the general public can apply categorizations to each battle report. I shall later use this data in tools to browse and search for specific types of reports. If a report is already categorized, you are encouraged to do it again, as the stronger weighted categories will have the most weight in the search engine.

See the Categorize this Report link on each report.

thank you,


A Few Good Reports      Apr 21 2006

You know it's a good week when you read about hobbits taking over the world. It's an especially good week when a new reporter comes along with this jewel about a game that hasn't been reported on previously.

But it's simply a knockout week when somebody puts up a report on none other than HeartCutter

So what way to best celebrate this? Friday Night Brood War, of course. Be there, bring your friends, and practice your cheesiest strats.

Everyone's welcome to come, we'll be on the USEast Server in op ~nohunters at 10pm EST.

- LuckyNewbie & Ashwin

Replay Archive, Revisited.      Apr 11 2006
Post your best replays, ladies and gentlemen, for this is no longer the site of the free external bandwidth! Replays linked externally will be forwarded to a random 8 or higher report, hopefully increasing the quality of those still posted.

However, feel free to talk about them and link anywhere else on the site (ie, forum). I heavily recommend some of Maareek's replays, such as Game 2 against the Inkmeister juggernaught.

- LuckyNewbie

Friday Night Brood War!      Apr 07 2006
Yes folks, op ~nohunters has some scheduled activity tonight. Don't pretend like you have something better to do, because in the words of WarLeaderJustin: "The thing is, StarCraft > sex."

10 PM EST, op ~nohunters, USEast. The first night in some regularly scheduled servings of starcraft.

- LuckyNewbie

Writing History (again!)      Mar 28 2006
You guessed it, Raider is back once again! This time it's not civilization 3, but the much more balanced game of Starcraft in his [finally] continuing The WGTour Chronicles.

"I contributed as I could, and every time I beat a Korean, I would use a hunting knife to cut a mark on the side of my monitor."

What are you waiting for? Go read!

- LuckyNewbie

MONSTER battle report, more like a book      Mar 23 2006
Check out this incredible report on the classic RPG NetHack.

Artius has got a nice humorous writing style combined with an in depth knowledge about what makes this game great.

Easily will take you all day to read, or a week if you read it in installments, trust me its worth it.


Your New Muckraker!      Mar 20 2006

JV agreed to make me an admin. I'll be deleting spam, fixing reports, and generally doing that lovely janitorial stuff.

If you feel like being an upright citizen like zip_disk, let me know of anything that need's fixin'. I can be reached at LuckyNewb on AIM.

- LuckyNewbie (First newspost hurrah!)

A little light Starcraft reading      Mar 18 2006
It's been a little slow for good quality reports around here lately, which makes LuckyNewbie's report a welcome addition. Check out the goods for Lucky's semi-epic battle vs the ever popular Maareek on Lost Temple. It almost makes me want to play starcraft again =].


Metal "Thug" 3 report      Mar 13 2006
Check it out. This report from Turbo_Noob is a real blast. Coin op goodness!


Random Report of the week!      Mar 06 2006
Here's the deal. I'll pick a random report and you guys discuss it in the forum. Woohoo!

A random Fractal_Wave Starcraft Report


Footmen Frenzy!      Feb 02 2006
Another load of Footmen Frenzy

Hello and welcome to yet another Who'sGotLag.IDO battlereport. This battlereport will be about a game played on Footmen Frenzy v3.61. That is to say this report is based on a UMS map for WarCraft III: The Frozen Throne. You can skip down to the next paragraph since you will not care about what follows this sentence. This is report number 18 for me (numerically), BUT in terms of completed reports, this is number 16. You may ask where are the other reports and I would say incomplete or haven't started when I got bored/lazy/busy.

Happy New Year!      Jan 01 2006
The new year starts off well, with a couple of great reports, a gorgeous Footman frenzy report and a very nice BW report!


Desert Demon rocks out a report!      Nov 18 2005

Funniest report of the year?      Oct 06 2005
In case you missed this one by Drefsab, I'm linking to it again. I died laughing after reading it, seriously I'm writing this from the grave.


Here's a report that deserves a second look      Oct 06 2005
Thanks to the absence of reports lately, let me direct you to this one from Dagomar and SCN that you hopefully didn't miss the first time.


Pokah!!      Sep 05 2005
For those of you who don't know, our very own Yoda has written a battle report on poker. Why should I pay attention you ask? Well, even if you don't like poker too much, Yoda is a very decent writer. And if you do like poker...well, Yoda is like our Eriador, except poker instead of BW. I know he's won in excess of $200,000 playing poker, so that's proffesional level in my book. This report is about his first event in this year's world championship of online poker. It's a very interesting insight into the mind of a top poker player. I think people normally pay a decent amount of money for hand history and insight like this, so it's very good of Yoda to share this in the traditional fashion. Excellent work my good man!


Pros from Korea in a ZvP slugfest!      Aug 09 2005
A text book perfect battle report by old reporting veteran Ling-erie, of everyone's favorite game BW. Check it out fellas, Ling-erie graduated with honors from the school of battle reporting and knows how to do it right!


Little FPS Action      Jul 31 2005
I missed this when it first came out, but a little sunday morning battle report action made me a believer. A LOT of effort went into writing this story, and it shows. Good effort, the kind of effort that a master sculptor uses to create a masterpiece, as opposed to the kind of effort Kane makes in creating his macaroni volcano for his science project =]. Read and enjoy!


Good Things Come in...Pairs?      Jul 01 2005
First we have a Master of Magic report, the typing of which alone is enough to bring tears to my eyes. This game is one of the greatest of all time in my nostalgic memory, sort of like civilization with world devouring spells. Lets just say the report does the game justice.

Next we have SCN with a team [C]runk production. This in-joke fest features poor writing, and I apologize to all of you that have already clawed your eyes out from seeing the picture I'm using. But then again, if you clawed your eyes out how are you reading this? Ahem....okay, well at least Dag makes pictures worthy of a NH FFA style report. Plus JV himself is playing as well as myself, though not seriously =]. Enjoy!


New FFA Tourney!**UPDATE**      Jun 21 2005
Here we go again. For those of you wondering when the little guy is going to get a chance to win while Everyone allies vs Corbalt, here you go: FFA Tourney time. Click here for details. Basically We'll have a two round huge FFA tourney with the winners from the first round going head to head in the second. This should fun as heck, and the final winner get $75! Sign up quick. Oh, and I moved it to sunday this time to help people schedule some time for it.


Our most esteemed report Zerg~Ling wins the tourney! With a disappointing turn out, but a singularly great game ZL takes down all comers and executes a nail biting finish that had him shaking ten minutes after the game was done. Excellent job by all players!


NEW 2V2 TOURNEY! **UPDATE**      Jun 07 2005
Okay folks, with very cool people like Ling and Dibbler practically shoving money down my throat, is hosting a 2v2 Tourney. Click here for details. Essentially the same rules as for the 1v1 Tourney for eligibility, and on the day of the tourney two person teams will be randomnly assigned. So don't worry about finding a partner just sign up and have fun! First prize is $50 and second $30. Good luck to all and sign up quickly!


Okay, update is in thw above post and the rules have changed. Hopefully this will make the tourney more accessible to our whole fanbase. Good luck!

Eriador and SCN won the tourney vs Corbalt and CKrad! Congratulations! The brackets are here, and the best game of the tourney is here. Thanks to everyone who played!

Tourney Day! **UPDATE****UPDATE**      May 14 2005
Ok folks, it's time for the games! Starting 3:00pm EST in channel op Mark4, we'll be kicking this puppy off! Click Here for the tourney. Brackets go up in a few minutes.


We have our winners! First Place is Corbalt, second is BlueRibbon (who beat a heavily favored Eriador) and Fox^1 takes third. Great job to all the players, and you can all expect some fantastic reports out of this.

I've finished the Tourney summary! If you want to know what games to catch the replays of just click and read.

Tourney Update and some GREAT Reports      May 11 2005
It's been a very long time since we got two great reports in one week. First up is WhosGotLag.Ido with an ongoing LSN report. I like the game a lot a while back, and he certainly does it justice. The report makes a great intro to the game if you've never heard about it. Next we have BlueRibbon with what is truly a great brood war report. Slayer'sBoxer vs Didi in an all out slugfest. True BW fans CAN'T miss this report. As BlueRibbon says, if you like sex, you'll like this report. And even if you don't, you'll still like it Dagomar.

Click here for an update on the tourney with maps added.


1v1 Brood War Tourney announced for Sat, 14 May      May 07 2005
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm announcing the 2005 invitational 1v1 tourney. This was the most popular choice by a small margin. After this you can look forward to a 2v2 tourney, and other smaller tourneys for different games. This tourney is open to people with a report scored seven or higher or known to me as highly regarded participants in the site (old schoolers). If you're not sure if you're old school just ask =]. Read the rules here. The first Place Prize is $75, 2nd is $50, and third $25. Good luck to all! Also, if you don't want to play but want to report or help run the tourney please email me.


Tourney Time!      Apr 28 2005
Ladies and Gentlemen, the tourney piggy bank is rather full. I leave it in your hands to decide the games to be played. As it's invitational, we'll be allowing certain old schoolers and anyone who has submitted a report with over an 8.4+ rating to play. Feel free to vote regardless of your eligibility, as hopefully we'll get some great reports out of this.


A serious report      Apr 24 2005
On a serious game

About a serious problem

By a serious reporter

Let me present to you a Drefsab Report

"It all started when a long lost friend linked me to This site, run by a radical faction within the United Nations, was offering a free computer game for download. Now like I said, I had no interest in helping to feed hungry people, but how could I resist the temptation to download a 221 MB installer file? Especially when I realized I could publish my high scores out to the food-force website! Had the download page not contained an emaciated, big lipped black girl staring forlornly off camera at her mother being shot by rebels, I might have ejaculated on my keyboard."

Now that's the serious stuff we've come to expect from my boy Drefsab. No humor on such a real topic, right mates?

Well, I just can't pass up putting my favorite quote in this one:

"We only have two minutes to find the hungry people. Apparently the helicopter is a rental and we've got to get it back before we start incurring late fees. Carlos flies like a madman and I'm working the searchlight like a lesbian on a double-ended dildo. Even so, I didn't think we had a prayer. However, the island was small and all the Sheylanites were walking aimlessly around outside their mud huts so we got a perfect score."


Nice Warhammer 40k report!      Apr 16 2005
Dustbiter has improved on his original Warhammer 40k report, and he did a great job. Check it out.


Turbo Noob      Apr 10 2005
Strikes again! His first Metal Slug report was a highly readable ride. Part two expands on the humor and good fun of part one. Well worth wasting your sunday morning reading!

""Enemies ahead captain!" cried Eports, "They're heavily armed with large x's on the sides of their ships. I recommend we hold down the A button and move back and forth". Tarma dashed to look out the window as the submarine opened fire, spraying the area with deadly bolts of blue... lasers? fish scales? No matter, they were certainly deadly and in infinite amount."


Migrated to PHP 5      Apr 04 2005
Brad the server guy upgraded us to PHP 5. It appeared to work fine, then later I noticed the mysql_result errors. Whoops! It appears I have fixed the bug in the forum that was causing that problem.

New Features you can all enjoy now that we have PHP 5....

#1. PHP 5 will increase the quality of all forum posts.
#2. Viewing with PHP 5 will make you more popular with the ladies.
#3. Your dog likes PHP 5.
#4. Smirk at your friends that are still visiting sites powered by PHP 4.


Raider releases part 3 of epic series      Mar 15 2005
Impressive in scope...

Outlandish in its pure audacity....

Witness the marvel that is Writing History in Raider's 3rd part of an epic Civ 3 battle reporting series!


Anonymous Fan awards EldritchEvil with gift card      Mar 01 2005
I received an email from an anonymous fan of EldritchEvil's latest XCOM reports. He wished to thank him for his fine reports by awarding him a $10 Electronics Boutique Gift Card.

Congrats Eldritch!


For the WC3 Fans out there...      Mar 01 2005
"March 1, 2005 Warcraft III Patch 1.18 Now Available

The latest patch for Warcraft III has arrived! Players of the Reign of Chaos and The Frozen Throne can now look forward to several key fixes and a bevy of new world editor features. The Frozen Throne has also been updated with new maps, numerous balance changes, and additional bug fixes. The patch for Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne includes:

Six new maps from our Bonus Map program, including Excavation Site (4 players), Echo Isle (2), Hinterland Raid (6), Ruins of Stratholme (6), Azeroth Grand Prix (8), and Extreme Candy Wars 2004 (8). The six-player map, River of Souls, has also been updated to allow AMM play.

Balance changes, including reduced build time for the Undead Banshee, increased gold cost for the Staff of Teleportation, and changes to the abilities of several neutral Heroes.

New environment and floating text functions for the world editor, as well as new triggers and unit states.

Numerous fixes to units and abilities for all four races. The smaller Reign of Chaos patch includes several fixes to units, Heroes, abilities, and the world editor.

As always, for more detailed information on the changes to Warcraft III, please read the appropriate patch text file. "

Ripped straigth from Happy gaming folks.


Warhammer 40k      Feb 26 2005
Before all this new fangled Dawn of War stuff came out, there used to be a tabletop game that you'd play of Warhammer 40k where you'd move little figurines around in the real world and roll dice and pretend to shoot stuff. You know, like playing barbies for little boys. Ahem, right, not that I'd know about either of those things. And there was a board game version of it too for those who couldn't paint all the damn little figurines. So anyway, this tended to attract geeks, of all people. And geeks like computers too. So one geek programmed all the original board game into a form you can download and play, and of course where ever there is conflict there's some good old time story telling about how one guy kicked another guy's posterior. That's where dustbiter and his report come in. So read the report, download the game, and have yourselves a good weekend.


My favorite tactical game      Feb 09 2005
Eldritch Evil brings us the second installment of his X:Com, UFO Defense series. I have to say, xcom is one of my favorite games of all times. If someone would update the graphics I'd be back to playing it again in a heartbeat. Heck, I first played it about ten years ago and even last year I went back for a bit of a refresher. It's a great game and EE does it a fair amount of justice. Plus if you ask him too, he'll name one of his in game characters after you for part three. Sure, you'll probably get mind controlled by a sectiod and use your grenades to destroy your fire team and lose the mission, but at least you'll be in a br without having to hang out with Mareek in op ~nohunters, right? =]


***** UPDATE *****
Part Four is up! Despite a lot of whining about no action I do get promoted in this part =].

Old School starcraft      Jan 30 2005
Desert Demon, a reporter who doesn't get nearly enough respect, has released his latest bit of TvZ love. Sure, he did over dcotor a few pics, but if you click on any of them you get a pop up mini map! Lurkers and defensive matrix boys, it doesn't get better than this.


Woah, nice report      Jan 29 2005
Here's a very nicely done War3 report from some new blood. We hope he makes more!

If this was his first one, then no telling how much he could improve.


Whos got lag?      Jan 25 2005
Footmen Frenzy is quite possibly the best mod of WC3 out there. And Who'sGotLag.Ido is definitely in the top writer category for this site. Put that combination of pure reporting goodness together and you get a report that screams read me, and has more inside jokes than you can shake MCTFB's, well, you know what at. Get's to the reading boys, it's worth it!


He's Back!      Jan 20 2005
Our boy Heartcutter is back. In his classic style, HC explains the intricacies of first locating your opponents heart, then cutting it out. Cutting instrument left up to the reader. It's good to have one of my old opponents back in play. Too bad I've been doing just a taste of brood war instead of war3 =]. Of course, BW is still THE game of games in my humble opinion.


The final chapter      Jan 02 2005
Of the wretchedly named SuperCopKr's saga is here. But take heart dear readers, the quality of his name is in completely inverse proportion to the splendidness of his prose. It has been a LONG time since the first installment of his WW2 inspired fiction reached us, and it has always been good. It's a great blend of the perspectives of front line troops and tactical details. It may not be everyone's cup of tea but it sure as heck is mine.

"The aidman was often asked if a casualty was going to make it, if the wounded man would die. It was not always the case that he could give a clear answer, chance was always involved in these things. Despite the science to his methods, the knowledge he had of physiology, there was always an uncertainty to the fate of a man bleeding his bandages red. He would answer, "I can't tell. It's too hard to tell right now."

And because by this time the soldiers were hungry, thirsty, and afraid, they would sometimes snap with some malice, "When the fuck can you tell, Doc? When he's dead?"

The aidman knew that everyone was stressed, but he had never really learned how to deal with frayed nerves. "That's just how it is," he said flatly. And he would crawl to the next foxhole, his eyes red with fatigue and his hands red, also, with the science of his trade." Wow.


Remember Strifeshadow?      Dec 31 2004
Our boy LordBrand from those halcyon days of yore used to work as a team member of Now that SS has passed into all of our fond memories, he's turned to Armies of Exigo for his RTS amusement. Click the picture to check out his site....this means you Zerg~Ling! =]


Is it Cheesy to use pics to entice people to read your report?      Dec 27 2004
Just ask Lithium. I haven't seen such a cheesy ploy since the last time I wrote a report, but heck, I'm repeating his folly on the front page so maybe it has something to it, right? On the plus side, he's got two cool starcraft games with people you might actually recognize from the site in them. And he uses the classic YourRoleModel ploy of korean speaking reavers. On the down side, you have to wade through a few paragraphs of rambling to get to the meat of it =]. Luv!

P.S. Complaining about the girl picture got you this WLJ.

Merry Christmas to all      Dec 24 2004
And to all a Lucky Newbie report. Whoa. You know, I would trade all the socks, hankerchiefs, and lumps of coal in my stocking for a report like this. Rome:Total War provides a great setting for Luckies narrative prose and graphical delights. In fact, I probably need to cut this short to go give Lucky his well deserved ten.

Oh, and lets not forget to mention, it's report #6000. As Keanu_Reaver would say 'Whoa'.


I need to get cracking      Dec 23 2004
I think this is my second report of the year. Ah, how the mighty have fallen. I claim a dispensation for having spent six months in Iraq though =]. Happy Holidays all!


Armies of Exigo giveaway results      Dec 21 2004

Congratulations to ZerG~LinG! You'll be receiving Armies of Exigo thanks to the fans for voting you in, and for clicking on the banner enough times for us to receive the game in the first place. Hopefully we'll see a cool battle report on the game some time.

|]agomar(27.5 %)
ZerG~LinG(48.75 %)
badme(2.5 %)
Turbo_Noob(1.25 %)
Lithium(3.75 %)
maareek(3.75 %)
el_sux0r(1.25 %)
Dibbler(3.75 %)
Augury(3.75 %)
Drintr(2.5 %)
BlackTerror(1.25 %)

Total Votes Cast: 80

Powered by Chipmunk Poll

Game give away poll      Dec 19 2004

In case you missed my post in the forum, we are giving away Armies of Exigo to a deserving reporter. Vote on the active reporter who you think will do a good job with an Armies of Exigo report, and who has reported on an RTS before.

Vote Here


A Freelancer Tale      Dec 17 2004

We've got a new concept we are testing out here at, "tales" which are mini-reports based on your gameplay experience in an RPG or MMORPG game. Dagomar has just released an excellent tale on "Freelancer" which you may enjoy. Soon we'll have our own section for these types of reports, and a way to tie a series together.

Also don't miss Linternet's stab at some medieval fiction, a nicely written piece.


Vegas authors a World of Warcraft "Tale"      Dec 11 2004

See what happens when an orc and an undead warlock team up to gather "exotic mushrooms"!


Armies of Exigo      Dec 07 2004

Ladies and Gentlemen, you've probably noticed the new banner Ad for Armies of Exigo. It's a new RTS with some really cool features, and as gamers, we decided that it was a good fit for advertising on our site. Speaking of those features, here's what they have in store for you:

o Control any of three different armies: The Empire (knights, wizards, elves), The Beast (ogres, trolls, lizardmen), and The Fallen (dark elves, fallen knights and creatures of the deep).

o Wage war on two fronts simultaneously above and below the surface with a unique dual layered map system.

o Stunning 3D visuals bring the characters and environments to life.

o Immerse yourself in a fully interactive world: Blow up bridges, create avalanches to take out your enemies, cause subterranean lava flows to erupt aboveground, and dig tunnels from the surface into the caverns below.

o Engage the enemy with an army of up to 200 units for massive real time battles.

o Change the landscape of both the surface and underground by deploying units, such as Miners, and casting spells, such as Earthquake and Volcano.

o Single-player includes a three part campaign and skirmish mode to battle computer-controlled players.

o Go online and play in one of four multiplayer modes: Melee, King of the Hill, Mission, and Free-for-all.

Lots of good stuff in there, I especially have a weak spot in my heart for terrain changing by in game units. For me, that's one of the holy grails of the next generation RTS games. Very graciously, the company has offered us a free copy of thier game if enough people click on the banner. Johnny and I of course decided that if we get it, we'll give it away to whichever great reporter agrees to do a battle report on it for the site. So check out the Ad and click if you want to know more!


Keanu Strikes Back!      Dec 02 2004

Everyone's favorite Reaver has continued the saga of Jarius with Chapter Seven of his epic. So far this has been one work of fiction that a lot of people have really liked, so check it out to see what the hype is all about. Hey, at least Keanu isn't wasting all his time with WoW like everyone else (me).


File Manager improvement - ZIP file auto-extraction      Dec 02 2004
For all you reporters that bit their nails uploading one file at a time your pain has ended. Now when you upload a file with a .zip extension in your Report Center, the contents will be automatically extracted for you, folders and everything.

Lets see, we've got a revamped submission tool, and now you can upload all your report's files at once... Wouldn't it be a good time to start working on that block buster report?


Turbo_Noob runnin' and gunnin'      Dec 01 2004

Click Me to View ReportPrepare yourself for some FPS action, Turbo Noob style! Here's a game you probably never played, because frankly it wasn't that good. Might be a find in a bargain bin somewhere...

And now for something completely different      Dec 01 2004

Holy Cannoli Batman, THIS is about as odd as a battlereport gets. If you're looking for godly starcraft action but can't find any, and now you're getting just a tad hungry.... well, step right up. Wow. Well, I guess we all have unusual...tastes. (groan)


Why battle reports matter      Dec 01 2004
We at are simple folk. We enjoy playing games, and we enjoy talking about playing games, and we like to read about playing games when we can't play them. That's right, we are the 1.4% of the gaming population that is literate, and damn it we are proud.

And then there is the noble hero known simply as "the battle reporter". This selfless individual is witness to a gaming session (or perhaps a real life event), and wants to preserve it for all time. Either to share a strategy in Starcraft, or just to give some friends a tutorial on a obscure but cool game, he reports.

The really great reporters are extremely talented individuals. With a mixture of artistic and literary prowess they entertain the rest of us, usually at times when we could really use some entertainment (work, school, when you've got a browser and nothing else).

Besides the contributions these reporters have made to entertaining the masses, they are also historians. Twenty years from now people will be able to go back and have a deeper understanding of what things were like during this time. While online forums are great for current discussion, the sea of information that they produce lead them to be poor historical records. Battle reports have more permanence.

Where will Blizzard go years from now when they have forgotten what it was like for the early Starcraft or Warcraft gamers? How could you learn anything about the obscure but innovative RTS game that is Strifeshadow, that some are already starting to forget, yet you can still go back and find battle reports and get a good understanding of what it was like to play that game.

Stick around and you'll see that this is a strong and diverse community, where legends and history are created.

Have a good one,


Reporting Themes      Nov 27 2004
I was at and saw a nice post linking to some battle reporting templates.

Check them out


Three quality new reports to be thankful for      Nov 27 2004
First Maareek shows his stuff with a Rook's Corner report starring Desert Demon.

Next we have another quality Warsmith production by none other than Lithium.

And last by definitely not least Badme reports on some SC pros.

Gobble gobble!


+1/+1 upgrades faster than I thought      Nov 24 2004
I had some time today so I went ahead and made some more improvements, this time to the Report Center.
  • Can now use HTML authoring tool when you create or open HTML files in the file manager.
  • linked the file manager and Submit Report page, so you can just click a link to create a report using a html file
  • HTML authoring tool in the file manager lets you browse/preview all your images in current directory


Report Submission Tool gets +1/+0 upgrade      Nov 24 2004
I enhanced the report submitter so that you can now make use of a web based HTML editor. You can still create reports by externally linking to HTML files as well ('FILEREAD' still works for you old schoolers). Also the preview functionality has been significantly improved as well.

I am working on an additional improvement that will integrate the report submission tool into the Report Center, so that you can drag and drop images right into a report!


Do not miss this report!      Nov 21 2004
If you looked in the dictionary under "extraordinary battle report" if such an entry were to exist you would find something like this.

My apologies to ZerG~LinG for not reading this the day it came out. I happened to be going through some recent reports that I hadn't yet commented on and came across this blockbuster. ZerG~LinG is a future hall of famer and one of a few key reporters that have really kept battle reporting alive these past couple of years.


Kill the lagger...      Nov 20 2004
Check out this interesting report on a MMORPG game similar to Worms/Scorched Earth that is a sensation in korea....


And for you philistines out there who don't appreciate the simple beauty of this game, and the delicate humor of the report, there is a Jessica Alba picture at the end. That's right boys, a little something for everyone!


New Navbar was denied      Nov 18 2004
An unruly mob broke into the land of forgotten code and demanded the return of the classic navigation bar.

"To hell with simplicity" they shouted, "We are perfectly happy with a 20 link nav menu and we categorically refuse any attempt to simplify it!".

With his tail between his legs, Vegas is forced to replace the old nav bar, preserving the status quo.


Site easier to use (we hope)      Nov 18 2004
I thought the navigation bar could use a little simplifying so I put a lot of the sub-links on their own pages. Let me know what you think.


Half life 2 battle reporting prize!      Nov 17 2004
To commemorate the release of a great game, we at shall award the next reporter who receives a final score of 9.0 or higher on a half life 2 report a special prize of $10. The winner must have a paypal account to receive the prize. staff

File Manager issue fixed      Oct 26 2004
It seems that ever since we switched servers the file manager had a bug in it that allowed people to gain access to other people's accounts. Thanks to wakiki for pointing this out...

Alas! Our days of spamming random prank folders is gone :( I think a few people put folders named "LOL BADME SUX!" and "MORE FENCING BR PLS" in badme's account. I won't disclose any names, of course, although I may have been one of them ;)

The bug has now been fixed.

-Johnny_Vegas (who does not work for Microsoft)

More than 10 new reports restored!      Oct 21 2004
Thanks again to zip_disk for restoring more classic reports. There are quite a few interesting ones here in this pile. Here is the link to a spreadsheet of ALL the reports that zip_disk has restored.

An impressive job to say the least, thanks man!

zip_disk's repaired reports

Sims 2 Battle report on      Oct 01 2004
If this isn't a great battle report then I don't know what is.


The results are in....      Sep 26 2004
Drintr announces the Reality Battle Report voting results!

"The results are in, and no recounts!

Zerg~ling has been cut. Good luck to the remaining competition. You should expect to receive an e-mail within the next couple of days."

In other news an old friend of the site, and hall of famer, returns to post a Texas Hold em Report that will have you singing the praises of the gambler himself.

Breeze now in the HOF!      Sep 15 2004
  • From his first report (aptly titled 'First Report') to his presumably final work on the site in 2001, Breeze has blown his very own path through the hallowed grounds of with revolutionary skills in the graphical arts.
  • Contributed greatly with breathtaking flash movies and awe-inspiring 3D rendering
  • Gave us a constant reminder of how important the art of perserverence was, whether it be through graphics or the written word.
Click here to view Breeze's reports.

More report fixes!      Sep 15 2004

Enjoy... Thanks to zip_disk!

.:MorningStar:. vs JuBBle by (...Blaze...)
Clan War by [ScV]
Pillars v. Andrei, with Pillars interview by xld.aldogrez
The Perfect Storm(s) by xld.aldogrez
ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US by NeoXro (still under repair)
Lessons in Strifeshadow - Vaevictis vs Sparky by Vaevictis666
Real Life Counter Strike by [ScV]

Breeze to be inducted into the Hall of Fame!      Sep 10 2004
Here were the final results for the Hall of Fame vote!

Which reporter do you feel most belongs in the Hall of Fame?
Breeze(33.6 %)

|]agomar(16.4 %)

ZerG~LinG(31.6 %)

CrackHeadJeb(4.8 %)

Dr.Zchivago(2.4 %)

CynicalMagician(11.2 %)

Total votes: 250

10 classic reports restored, thanks zip_disk!      Sep 10 2004



StarCraft Episode 1: The Blizzard Galaxy (Working version!!)



Gosu Teacher Kakakak :D



StarCraft Episode II : The rebels strike back



FFA on Hunters With a Touch of Gayness



Mogalin vs Enthused : Micro Intensive TvZ



StarCraft Episode 3: Return of the Swarm



Vanilla SC Grand Battle



Corbalt vs Larien: Finals of McNasty's 16 man tourny



Dodging the Parabola Fish - Unabridged and Uneditted Version



Blood Bath at the Temple

Place your Hall of Fame vote!      Sep 08 2004
Bush or Kerry? Who knows. But you can place a vote that is more likely to count right here.

There has not been a HOF inductee for over two years now and we have some catching up to do people.


Awesome Battle Reports new and old!      Sep 08 2004
Allow me to catch up with some news items here. After a lull in reports the reporters have come back with a vengeance.

First we have the 2nd part of Raider's blockbuster Civilization 3 series. Raider has proven to have mastered the battle reporting art form with his illustratively thorough battle reporting technique.

And secondly long time hall of fame reporter .Praetor has released the much anticipated 3rd part in his Rise of Rome series. .Praetor's adept usage of the english language leads to very interesting reports, no matter what game he is reporting on.

Lastly we have Who'sGotLag.IDO restoring the images from even more classic reports. It would have been a shame to see them lost forever, but now they are back for good. Classic Starcraft reporting goodness brought back to life!

Mr.MediocreEnter Ninja Turtle
ProbeA Titleless BattleReport...
Dr.ZchivagoBaD to the Bone (2 in 1, long, so stand by)
ProtophobicMore BR slop for all you piggies...
Casper...Ap`Taktiks vs. Crazy

More quality reports restored from days past      Aug 30 2004
One of these days I'm going to ask Who'sGotLag.ido/zip_disk how many reports he actually has saved on his hard drive. All I know is they keep coming, and I'm grateful. Some of these are only partial restorations. Enjoy!

IceShadowProtoss Mindtap of a Zerg Overlord
::nobody::The Four Player FFA!
[FLS]prozerrani2e2 2v2 Round 1: Maynard/{PH}Shockwave vs CoP~Hero/CoP~Zero
SnowSquallSnowy vs. -pitt-: NWTR League Week 2
Toilet-Duck-Not Just Your Ordinary TvP
shockwaveFFA tactic: hyper expand mass BCs


Lasers and Tolkien      Aug 29 2004
A couple of interesting reports have came our way recently on two games you perhaps haven't tried....

War of the Ring- Trolls, Riders, and Dwarves, Oh My! - a gorgeous report from long time reporter endersshadow

And last but not least a fantastic Laser Squad Nemesis report by Who'sGotLag.IDO

|]agomar, Master of the Universe releases another doozie      Aug 24 2004
Hello there, it's |]agomar here. JV's generously allowed me to write my own news article, so here it is: I've written a new report, the concluding segment chronicalling the adventures of Team Rater through the Freelancer universe. It's extremely long and, like all my brs, brimming with adjectives and collages - so make sure you've got a while to read it. Oh, and LuckyNewbie isn't in it - all the more reason to read ;) .


He keeps going...      Aug 23 2004
All I can say is zip_disk must have a lot of old reports on his hard drive, as he's uploaded the images and fixed even more. And some of these are real classics, mostly from way back when Starcraft was on fire in 1999.

WilliamWC32v2 Dire!!!
Eggfoo-youngFamily Reunions are Fun!!!!
TheRubberDuckyHydralisks, and the Lost Souls who love them
WilliamWC3Microsoft VS Macintosh
[FLS]prozerranChaos within!
[FLS]prozerranNew Game Type: Circle of Alliance


Old reports restored starring (Whoop, Ronin, Bob the Newt, King-Lewis)      Aug 22 2004
We've got 2 more old school starcraft reports from 1999 with fully restored images for you, thanks to our official report curator zip_disk!

Ronin gets some Ownin - a classic Zerg vs Protoss matchup starring King-Lewis and Ronin.

a 2v2 on Hypothermia - Yes an actual animated gif of Johnny_Vegas nuking peons is finally restored!

Thanks again to zip_disk for restoring these reports.


10 Classic Reports restored!      Aug 19 2004
Sadder than starving children, is the fate of many old battle reports whose images were hosted at such nefarious "free" web sites as Geocities and Angelfire.

Who'sGotLag.IDO / zip_disk misfortune of not having decent internet access 4 years ago has turned into a big plus for the rest of us, as he has retrieved some classic reports that he had saved locally to his hard drive! What's more, about half of FLS's restored reports star ME, muaahaha, bonus. Do not miss Bob the Newt's restored report, it was ground breaking at the time.

Author Title
[FLS]prozerran 3 on 3 Tribes! 1hr 30 min
[FLS]prozerran 2 Terrans fighting 2 Protoss
[FLS]prozerran 2 on 2 Dire!
Skyblade Lost Temple Rollercoaster
MikeyMonty I am schooled in the ways of island.
$gt.Zorn Slug-o-Rama
[FLS]prozerran Ultra Rush!!
Bob the Newt A BR and nude teens!
Persian-POW An interesting Dire 2v2
Rychen Debunking Bunker Command


Replay submissions back due to public demand!      Aug 17 2004
Anyone can once again submit replays to the site. Periodically unpopular replays will be removed however. Also we added a new section for "Staff Replays" posted by Fox^1 and his team of quality replay posters.

.Praetor releases 2nd part of Civ 3 report      Aug 13 2004
Don't miss the story of how .Praetor's Roman legions battle the nefarious Iroquis, in this second installment of his Rise of Rome Civ 3 series!


replay changes part 2      Aug 12 2004
Ok, re-enabled replay submitter, but only for raters. If you have a great replay, ask a rater and he may submit it for you.

Created 2 modes for viewing replays, "Latest submissions" and "Top downloads". Also I deleted all replays in system with less than 150 downloads. This will work for now, until we get the new site up!


Replay changes      Aug 12 2004
The replays are largely crappy spam right? Not anymore. I disabled the replay submission tool, and reordered the "Browse Replay" section so that the top downloads show up first in the list.

Turns out we've got some pretty awesome replays on this site, they were just hard to find. Replay submissions will be renabled at some point in the near future. Most likely the general public will not be allowed to submit, there will be some sort of moderation process to ensure only high quality replays are submitted. Thanks go to Fox and others for suggesting these changes.


zip_disk fixes classic reports!      Aug 11 2004
Ok, after a very long boring period uploading pictures over a 28.8 one at a time (*cough* *cough*) I uploaded 3 reports worth of picture onto my account. I also changed the alt tags to be title tags for those lousy mac users (really shouldn't support their bad habits). =P

First report is WilliamWC3's "Sex, StarCraft, and Battle Reports", its actually 3 reports though so 3 report URLs in order are:

Second report is CynicalMagician's "< --- I'm with Stupid!!":

Third report is The..Scarab's "Shirukens, Grappling Hooks, and FFA":

Also, Jamellan's "Evil Eye Laser Man Vs" fileread didn't work, so I had JV change the filename from jam.txt to jam.html.

P.S. Thanks for the memory (memories?) =)

-Who'sGotLag.IDO / zip_disk

word from Mark4 overseas!      Aug 09 2004
"Just letting you know I'm still alive and kicking. Plenty of mortar and rocket fire near me, but no one's actually 'shot' at me yet =]. Another few months and I'll be safe in kansas where they only shoot at you when you drive in the ghetto. Actually, come to think of it, that's pretty much how it is here too, if by 'ghetto' you mean 'the whole frickin country'."

That's a quote from the email he just sent me. Looks like he'll be back in a few months! He also mentioned he has intermitten internet access, and is happy to see that the site has been doing well in his absence.


Don't miss these latest gems!      Aug 07 2004

Besides those reports, just check our report's listing you'll find some recent reports about Legend of Zelda, America's Army, and even a Starcraft - Terran strategy guide that has created all sort of controversy. Our new Raters have been on a field day lately, so be sure to read the juicy comments sections on all the reports!


.Praetor releases mammoth Civ 3 report      Aug 01 2004
Put up your feet and stay awhile. Whether your a Civilization 3 addict or not, you'll enjoy this latest account of ancient warfare, as the Romans and Persians face off in a bitter conflict!

Rise of Rome: The Persian Wars

ZerG~LinGs CSS Guide      Jul 24 2004
ZerG~LinGs has posted a very nice CSS Guide for all of you people that want to improve the looks of your battle reports.

Thanks for the contribution Zerg~Ling!


Anti-Crap feature amended      Jul 18 2004
Now a report is "unlocked" if one of the two conditions applies.

-It is rated higher than a 1.
-it is over 3 months old

This was done so that older multi-part reports could be viewed, as not all of those reports are rated (to avoid messing up the reporter's stats).


New Rook's Corner Interview with LuckyNewbie      Jul 16 2004
LuckieNewbie (the reformed LuckyNewbie:P) has been a denizen of for many years now. He's written many great reports, the best of which (in my opinion) can be found right here.. In any case, he's a great guy, and I had a lot of fun doing this interview. Enjoy!


5 new report raters!      Jul 14 2004 is pleased to announce 5 new report raters have agreed to help rate reports on the site.


These 5 gentlemen have shown the maturity and intelligence necessary to become good report raters. Furthermore they all have written many great reports themselves. We thank them for their assistance!


I hope you have broadband for this one      Jul 10 2004

The Pentagram Paradigm: A 5 Player FFA

Warning - 13 megs, My web host is going to hang me for that report.


The streak continues!      Jul 10 2004
11 gold reports in a row!?!! How long can the esteemed battle reporters continue this impressive streak?

I remember a time when there were many complaints about the mass of bronze and silver filling the reports pages, but we sure haven't had that problem lately.


"Anti-crap reports" feature added.      Jul 07 2004
Added some new functionality that prevents reports from being displayed unless they have been rated higher than a 1, by one of the site's raters. This will stop the crap reports that get posted, that tend to take me a few days to notice and delete. I thought this a good alternative to implementing a more "pain in the butt" security mechanism.

Only raters can view reports without ratings, so if no one has rated your report and your tired of waiting, send one of the raters an email, or email me at and I'll rate it as soon as you can.

Also there has been some great reports posted lately. I haven't had time to read them all and post a news item. Check the 'Last 10 gold reports' for some real gems!


Did somebody say a "plethora"?      Jun 30 2004
No, not of pinatas', but of high quality battle reports!

The reporters keep coming through with gems like these:

Mostly Harmless 2 - 9.0 rating, by Dialtone
The "I Wish Alt Text Would Die" Report - 8.0 rating, by mareek
Loudest Incest - 8.3 rating, by Ravage
Never give up! - 8.5 rating, by Blarg
Footmen Frenzy Baby! - 8.4 rating, by Who'sGotLag.IDO
Good Die Young - 9.0 rating, by ZerG~LinG

ValueClick popups removed      Jun 15 2004
I had been debating removing the banner ads, after I noticed that more and more annoying ads started to be sent. We get a live feed from ValueClick for banners. They used to be respectable but they have been headed downhill lately. Someone in the forum said a recent banner contained a virus, and I decided that was it, their gone. Unfortunately that's the only way this site generates any revenue. We are now forever at the mercy of Brad the server guy and his free hosting.


A couple of fine looking reports!      May 24 2004
Some quality reading to enrich your day: Report #1 and Report #2


Some great new reports!      Apr 19 2004

Check out this quality WGT report, from a guy that knows his Starcraft. WGT Chronicles: Intermission

And while your at it, check out this attractive Combat Mission report.

And don't look now but a nice report on another new game, Star Wars Galaxies!

Oh hell, and this EldritchEvil report deserved a news item but never got one cause I'm lazy.


"Nuke it Rico!" by endersshadow      Mar 22 2004
Relax, sit back and enjoy this report of nuking fun.

Only two scvs were left in his main, and at the moment it was as exposed as Janet Jackson during SuperBowl XXXVIII's half-time show.


'A Broodwar Quickie'      Feb 19 2004
Yeah right. Like Zerg~ling ever did a short report in his career. This is a good medium for most people....and oh so sweet. If you don't read this one, you obviously just stumbled into the site from a google search for tactical level reports on trench fighting in the crimean war.


Ahhhh, Starcraft      Feb 07 2004
I think we can all agree its the best game ever. I'm liking this resurgance in SC reports also =]. Desert Demon has submitted a very respectable 2v2 game. Now that everything is working, it's looking great!


Most of you probably saw this already      Feb 07 2004
But I just got back from a trip and this baby was waiting for my viewing pleasure. A very nicely done PvT game by Enders-shadow, if just a tad lopsided. Thanks for a excellent report!


News is a little slow...      Jan 20 2004
But hey, it'll probably pick up soon. In the meantime, Quoth has a nice little 'side project' BR to keep us entertained before he releases his main effort. This little side gem is a nice WC3 report, and it's making me anxious for the main course =].


How about some history?      Dec 29 2003
Don't make that face. style history is here in the form of a SuperCopKr's latest installment in his WW2 fiction masterpiece. I've loved this stuff from day one, and if you're a fan of gritty writing and solid combat action, this is a must read.


You want some old school?      Dec 07 2003
What's more old school than two koreans playing SC? BlueRibbon brings us a cool Terran vs Zerg report featuring Nada and HOT Forever. This is an in depth game that features top level play, and I for one think Blue delved deep into his bag of tricks for this one. It's definitely better than he's ever done before. Well worth the read. GW Blue!


In the holiday spirit...      Dec 03 2003
Penny Arcade, a web comic you should all be reading if you're not already, is supporting a charity. The charity is Child's Play where you select a gift from to give to a sick kid. The holiday spirit doesn't get much clearer than that. Let's all help the gaming community show our true colors and help them out.


Ok, now that you've had your EV:N fill...      Nov 02 2003
You might as well check out something in the FPS genre, like America's Army. No, I'm not trying to enlist least not to do anything more than read Tempus007's report on that game. This is actually a few reports into his efforts, and he's showed improvement to the point where they're actually readable =]. Luv! But seriously, I now pronounce his reports fit for human perusal.


Oh Man      Oct 31 2003
If you thought I was enjoying my EV:N reports before, now I have a double helping of goodness in one week with the original EV:N writer Eldritch Evil pitching in again. God I love the smell of napalm in the morning. Smells like...well, smells like burning pirates if you have Commodore Smith on your side. Luv!


Awesome      Oct 30 2003

Man, I love the Escape Velocity: Nova reports. And it's even better when Zerg~Ling is writing them. He has a cool little format for his work too. The understated touch of the master =]. Thanks for a great read ZL!


The orginal returns      Oct 09 2003
Even with all the competition he's inspired, no one has surpassed EldritchEvil in the EV:N report area. Read the latest installment from the undisputed master of the game!


Aha!      Oct 01 2003
We all owe a debt to EldritchEvil for introducing us to Escape Velocity:Nova. And now he's even got Dagomar on the bandwagon. As you would expect, Dag delivers a report full off beautiful graphics, quick witted himor, and the occasional odd segue. Good work Dag!


Pure Gold      Sep 18 2003
My good man Dagomar is back, and this time its with a classic twist that bring tears to my eyes. A starcraft three way FFA, with great writing, great game, and even, if my eyes don't decieve me, some original artwork. This is the stuff that dreams are made of. At least all of mine that don't involve a scantily clad Jessica Alba.


Never Forget.      Sep 11 2003

Wooohaaa!      Aug 30 2003
CattleBruiser. That's all this post really needs to say, right? In case you missed it Cattlebruiser!!!! Just click. Trust me.


And now for something completely different =]      Aug 10 2003

Lately I've been playing a cool little play by email tactical strategy game called Laser Squad Nemesis. By the makers of X-com, and of course the original classic, Laser Squad. So to document my new obsession, and hopefully gain a few new recruits to challenge, I've written a report on my experiences. Hope you all enjoy!


Hey Kid      Aug 08 2003
That's not bad for a first report =]. Good graphics, has EldritchEvil in it...what more can you want. Welcome to, I like you already =].


ATTENTION! Help make a new clan.      Aug 03 2003
2:00 pm EST in channel halpmeh on US East. Fox is trying to get this going but we need people to make it. Please, if you can just log on and use a new ID or whatever to help make the clan I'll be gratefull. I'll be on as MarkFour. Thanks guys.



Clan is made. Just msg MarkFour on US East to join.

Oh Yeah      Jul 17 2003
Halp HALP me again CB! I love the new report he just put out. Some classic BW map action... in Warcraft =]. This is the stuff that we love from the man himself, the bruiser extradonaire. Thanks for another great read CB.


'Ever since patch 1.10, which made the construction of tier one units a viable alternative to losing, build orders have become much more predictable. '

Lovely Sunday      Jul 13 2003
In the inspired tradition of giving me something to read while I wait for the aspirin to wrestle my hangover into submission, Mick has written a new report. Rather than talk up a lot of random stuff in the early game, Mick just throws in a cool flash movie and gets right to the gusto. I'm feeling a little delicate for the gusto right now, and the animated pic of the stargates made my head throb in time to it, but we all have to make sacrifices. Much like my friend Vincent and the fat chick who was hanging out with the hottie I was hitting on. Luv.


Oh, Happy Day      Jul 12 2003
Escape Velocity Nova Of Eldritch's BR fame, is now available for windows. You can check it out free as shareware. Godly.


It's not CattleBattle flavored      Jul 06 2003

But our favorite Bruiser has gracefully popped out a HALP HALP production. Thank god, I thought the reports needed just a tiny little boost from an ancient monarch of =].


Give props to the old school gentlemen      Jul 05 2003
It's the respectfull thing to do. el_suxor proves his respect for the man who was the first giant of Starcraft, Maynard. Or KGOR as he was called during the first PGL, when he was beaten by his protege Grrr.... The report is...well I'll be generous and say it's one sided. Still, it does have at least one funny quote.

NotBob 'What race?'

el_suxor 'In america race doesn't matter.'

Of course, now that you read it here, why bother reading the report? Hmmm.... Well, to give some purpose to this post, don't surf the web tomorrow or you might find the image on all sorts of unexpected places.


Nice BW report      Jul 04 2003
With things being a little slow, it's good to see a cool BW report come out. BlueRibbon gives a good TvZ battle, which uses a lot of interesting things you seldom see, like mass defensive matrix. Plus he has odd quotes, which sound a lot dirtier than they should -- 'Medics are like pringles, you can't eat just one.' Luv!?


D2 patch 1.10      Jul 03 2003
The new 1.10 patch has a LOT of interesting stuff. Skill synergies, new ladder only items, lotsa good stuff. It's so big and so different that Blizz is offering it up for a beta test before they release it. Please note the patch isn't for closed realm play, but you can screw around with your new character concepts and test it out while the patch is polished.


New Channel      Jul 01 2003
Since the change in with the new TFT exp coming out, the new channel will be 'op nohunters' for non W3 games and clan nohunters for W3. See you on


Blizz North departs?      Jun 30 2003
It looks like the three founders of Blizz North plus Bill Roper are leaving. Fortunately for the fans of Blizz RTS, North is primarily concerned with Diablo. At least they still have my good man Zileas working for 'em.


Slow week...      Jun 21 2003

But it's getting better. Zerg~Ling has given us another one of his lovely, yes lovely, reports. Some very excellent WC3 action featuring NE vs UD at around 30 lvl action. ZLs pics just keep getting better, and his prose isn't exactly slouching along either. Thanks for another great one ZL.


A fireside chat with Zerg~Ling      May 24 2003
Find more about your favorite battle reporter in this interview, where you'll get special insight into his sick and twisted mind... (ok ok, he's not really twisted)


Thirty is such a special number      May 20 2003
Mainly cuz it's the number of reports Zerg~Ling has now written. Yup, brand fresh spanking new one from ZL before he retires from ever writing another report now that he's a rater =]. Seriously, great report, you all have to read it. NOW.


Ah      May 18 2003

Our little buddy Eldritch Evil has come to ease the boredom of my sunday morning. Escape Velocity:Nova part six is out. Tune in for more federation evil and revel in EE's struggle as part of the oppression. =]


Hey there      May 13 2003
There is a reason this site keeps going. People, at the heart of it, just love a good story. And if they can tell a good story, they love telling it too. Which brings me to Napoleic. Now that boy can tell a story. Don't take my word for it of course.

Speaking of storytellers, let me say that it give me great pleasure to announce Zerg~Ling has joined our pantheon of near legendary battle reporters as a rater! This is a very earned honor, and I'm sure he'll use his newfound power to do only good, except on alternate thursdays. Congratulations!


Whoa      Apr 28 2003
The legend himself, Dialtone has graced us with a nice new report. This time the venue is fallout tactics, one of my favorite games. If you like turn based tactical top down shooters, this is your report baby! Great stuff.


Updated Old Mick Reports      Apr 20 2003
I know a lot of you bemoan it when people make great reports, then a year or two later when you go back to read an old favorite you see all the images have died. Sucks doesn't it? WHY OH WHY CAN'T EVERYONE JUST USE THIER BR.COM ACCOUNTS TO HOST THE PICTURES?!? WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME? Ahem.

Well, Mick at least has repented his sinful ways, and has gone back and fixed all his great old reports. Thus I present to you, his reworked and fileread masterpieces:

containment.html - "Containment's a Bitch".

darkempire.html - "Fall of the Dark Empire".
Darkempire -

teachplay.html - "Teach Me To Play".
teachplay -

ladderpt3.html - "Ladder Shenanigans Part 3".
ladderpt3 -

interview.html - "Interview With the Champ Crier".
interview -

ladderpt2.html - "Ladder Shenanigans Part 2".
ladderpt2 -

ladderpt1.html - "Ladder Shenanigans Part 1".
ladderpt1 -

hacker.html - "Never Say Die (Just say hacker)"
hacker -


Yeah, I'm lazy, so I just copy pasted his email. Sue me!

Twenty Nine!      Apr 18 2003
Uh huh. Yeah. Dig it baby! Zerg~Ling gives us a classic WC3 report for his latest and greatest. Some very, very good play in this one. Well worth the read!

Also, we have a very old school report by newcomer Elated who writes up an epic match between Grrr.... and Fisheye. Truly old school PvP action, good pics, little mini maps you click on... godly. Good work!


TFT Tourney      Apr 17 2003
Got this from my boy Emporer.

Clan Imperial Guard Prize Tournament will be held Sunday, April 27th at 9pm EST. Sign ups officially begin Monday, April 21st and will go through to Saturday April 26th at noon. It will be 64 man single elimination, all players must be level 10 solo to enter. All realms welcome. ALL ACCOUNTS WILL BE CHECKED AND ONES NOT MEETING REQUIREMENTS WILL BE REMOVED FROM THE ROSTER! Games will be shoutcasted over and observers are welcomed!Games will be played on USEAST. for more details.

Mark4 archived site up      Apr 14 2003
Hey guys, I moved to where it will remain until the end of time.

The games on the site, Moaghunter, Basilica, etc.. still work as well.


A trifecta of good reports!      Apr 11 2003
Very happy surprise for me, seeing all this reporting goodness =]

First up we have Who'sGotLagIDo with a very nice TFT game. He has some of the best pics I've seen in a very long time.

Next is the newcomer Augury who presents us with a very well written WC3 game. Full of action and adventure my friends!

And finally Mick helps us out with a classic starcraft FFA report, filled with the old school players from Shox. Nostalgia time baby, and a well written one one at that =].

Thanks guys, you made my morning.


Well, I didn't see this coming      Apr 09 2003
Our old friend Psyonic_Reaver has given us a nice reading experience, set in the battle tech universe. Live action pics folks. See just how ugly PR really is!


Number 28      Apr 07 2003
With his innovative and always new number scheme, Zerg~Ling presents us with NUMBER 28!!. This ones a little short, but as sweet as ever. A nice little 1v1 from the Frozen Throne beta. Enjoy folks =]


"After a brief discussion we agreed to "Manner Game", which basically means that if the other player abuses Tome bug, you get to cut off his testicles with a rusty knife."

Here      Mar 27 2003
EldritchEvil has given us an Escape Velocity: Nova report. This game seems very interesting, and EE has a cool style of storytelling that draws you in. Definitely check it out.


Bonus Quote: "and the auto recharger... If you can't tell what this does, please post your name and address in the comments section so that I may dispatch the Gene Pool Cleanup squad to come to your home and kill you." - EE

StrifeShadow Night tonight      Mar 25 2003
Hey everyone, if you have StrifeShadow try to make it to SS night tonight at 8 to 10 ET. Wouldn't it be fun to dust off Strifeshadow and play a few games?


Hey Now      Mar 13 2003
Here's a name you haven't seen in a while: Dialtone! Wow, when he comes back, you know he's come back. That's one heck of a report. His graphics are unique, interesting and give plenty of info. Plus he picked a sweet game to report. Thanks for the good read DT =]


Oh, and here's a quote to wet your appetite: " In the history of good ideas that went horribly wrong, this one will probably get an honorary mention and a little golden plaque saying "'s most hilarious fuck-up". Shit."

Back in Black?      Mar 02 2003
Well, back in br.coms readers hearts and minds at least. My good man Zerg~Ling has given us his 27th report. Are you one of those starcraft fans who thing WC3 suxors? This is the report for you. Go ahead, you'll like it. Think SC is old news and Warcraft 3 is the new game? Just scroll down to the good part. Thats right folks, a SC and WC3 report are both included. Let us now give thanks to ZL for his reporting goodness!


CHJ told me if I didn't do this he'd blow up my house      Feb 22 2003
Check out this war3 report by greyhoundbus and this BW report by Elated. Apparenly they are good or something, so check them out. JK I actually read them, they are quite good. So WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS!? GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO


Sweet      Feb 04 2003
I get home from a day of blowing stuff up in a suitably whimsical and overwhelming fashion, and what do I see but a Zerg~Ling report! Score! This one is very nicely put together, uses a brand new format, and still has the high quality writing and sparse yet catchy graphics that are ZLs trademark. Great job Ling, and FU, that was over 2 years ago. I bet she can't even run anymore and broke her hip....


Blizz gets serious      Jan 31 2003
"Warcraft III CD Keys Banned/Accounts Closed Friday, January 31, 2003

In keeping with our aggressive stance against hacks and cheats, we have permanently disabled 1,000 CD keys from ladder play on, resulting in the permanent closure of approximately 2,000 accounts that were tied to those CD-Keys. We have also permanently closed 27,000 additional accounts and disabled 16,000 CD keys from ladder play for one month. These accounts were determined to have used a hack or cheat program while playing Warcraft III on In the case of the CD keys that were banned, at least one account tied to each CD key was identified as having used such a program while playing on We continue to monitor the Warcraft III realms for malicious players. Please note: repeat offenders risk having their CD keys disabled, which results in permanent removal from for their copies of Warcraft III. We regret having to employ these extreme measures; however, certain unscrupulous players have impaired the game play of the Warcraft III community as a whole, and severe action continues to be warranted and required.

We appreciate your understanding and cooperation in this matter. If you would like to report additional instances of hacking or cheating, please contact us at Thank you again for your continued support.



OMG, old school goodness      Jan 30 2003
Not by the author, Jaood, there's no way anyone could mistake him for old school. But the report he wrote, along with the talents of old such as Fox, Keanu, and Slings, do indeed qualify this as old school. Pure NH FFA action on a big gay fast money map. Brings a tear to my eye. GW Jaood, you newb! =]


Omg halp      Jan 24 2003
I broke something... halp


Sort of a wierd report      Jan 12 2003
This report is on Raptor: Call of the Shadows. Those really old school gamers will wax nostalgic for its arcade feel. All-Fear has written a report about the game, and how he got through it.

To really appreciate it tho, you really need to play it. You can download a shareware version of the game here. It's actually pretty cool... wasted a few minutes of my morning. Plus it's tiny, so no problem even if you're on a 56k.


Very, very sexy      Jan 08 2003
Our good man Zerg~Ling has given us another report. This one has a radical departure in look and format from his previous efforts, and I think the results are fantastic. Check it out right away, and share the love. Great expiremental graphics a few times too.


Holy S**t      Dec 31 2002
Have you guys seen the size of Mulepton's new report? That things frickin' huge. Plus he coded a whole crapload of things into it, like its his thesis for getting his masters in html or sth. Flash, a cool map with 2345542365 jump Check out the technical brilliance....and the cool report =]. Thx Mulepton, and happy new year right back at ya.


Tourney!      Dec 28 2002
Our old associates, ClanHonor are hosting a $50 tourney for War3. Format is 1v1, no sign up fee unlike most cash tourneys now, and it's open to the first 64 people to sign up. CH has run very good tourneys in the past, this will be a great opportunity to have some high level competition and fun.


So      Dec 22 2002
Merry Xmas to all, and to all a good read. Specifically, Praetor from the HOF has come back, finally, with part three of Tales of the Flesh. Enjoy!

BTW, Mick has given you all a present. Don't unwrap until xmas morning, k? =]


Wow...      Dec 10 2002
Psyonic_Reaver is back, with a report on game almost unknown outside Strifeshadow. It's well written, and the graphics make me long for the good old days of 2D graphics and instant unit response. Anyway, it's well worth checking out for the nostalgia factor if nothing else.


Like "Whoa" man...      Dec 02 2002
It's a two-fer. Yup. Twice the awesome goodness that is know to you mortals as "CATTLEBRUISER". Cuz my main reporting idol is giving us two battles for the price of one. So get into it kids, you won't regret it. And hey....let's be careful out there.


Submit Report Script improvements      Nov 24 2002
I upped the minimum character limit for reports, and also I made the PREVIEW feature work with the FILEREAD command when submitting battle reports. Hopefully this will help a number of people that could not preview in the past when using FILEREAD.

I am also going to make an improvement, where FILEREAD is more intuitive to use.



Cool report on Age of Mythology      Nov 13 2002
For those of you that didn't notice 2 weeks ago, here's a great report about a great new RTS.

Age of Mythology Report by CrackHeadJeb


Finally!      Nov 10 2002
Like all very good things, CB's style has been imitated. Fortunately for us, it's been imitated pretty well by Stozwald. Stoz uses the classic CB "halphalp" format, and delivers a funny ass report. The game isn't a serious one, Stoz contents himself with mocking two newbs the entire time. But there's a nice twist at the end =]. Good for a lazy sunday morning read.


Is there no end to the goodness?      Nov 05 2002
Yeah baby! Our boy CattleBruiser has gifted us with another sexy 'HALP! HALP!' report. This one features Jaood vs Llamaboy on Richocet valley, a matchup that showcases Jaood's attempt at revenge after the last CB report. This is a good read, and CB explains some of the mysteries of the univers to us:

"I still don't get how Ancient Protectors can now do Piercing damage... no doubt they have a rock lathe which gives their giant boulders sharp points."


Keep the goodness coming!      Oct 27 2002
Our Hall of Famer CattleBruiser has another one of his "short" reports out. It's on the same map, so if you read the first one just skip the intro to get to the good stuff. And the delicious chocolatey filling is, indeed, very good.


So I got up early this morning      Oct 26 2002
and staring me in the face as my trembling little hands drank my first glass of OJ for the day, was Jaood's report. How does it stack up against a really good report, like CB's latest?

"And if you didn't read it you should probably go kill yourself, because reading a Jaood report before a ~CattleBruiser~ Production is just flat out retarded and you're polluting the gene pool with your incompetence." -Jaood

Well, true, but its still pretty good. Well written and funny, with a very spare use of pics. So grab you a glass of the orange juice, sit back, and let the good times roll.


Hey there...      Oct 20 2002
Our good friend CattleBruiser is back. Not with an epic report this time tho', he's decided to go for the "mini-report" style, thus giving us more really good reports every so often instead of one incredible report every ten years =]. I'll buy that logic since it means more CB goodness! The "little report" CB has given us could be most people's best ever effort =O.

Also, I'm stealing a little news from Shlongor's site.

"You can get a 2.4 Ghz P4 Dell, 256MB RAM, 60GB Hard Disk, 40x CD writer, XP Home, 15" LCD, etc. for $649 including shipping! click me.

Tricky Dick" isn't getting any cut or anything, but I checked it out and with all the free upgrades, $100 rebate, and free shipping, I ended up buying a new comp even tho' I'm not in dire need of one. So if you're in the market, go check it out. My last comp was a dell too and it's done pretty good for me.


Ooooooohhh Yeah!      Oct 19 2002
We got the latest and greatest Zerg~Ling report! Blademaster puns, witty remarks about the night elves, and YOU CAN VIEW THE REPORT IN ANY FONT AND COLOR YOU WANT! Well, not any, but a lot! ZL has really done a nice job this time.


Slow news...      Oct 09 2002
Not much going on lately.

But if you were jonesing for a cool report to read, check out Mulepton's report on a cool ffa he played in. It's a nice read with some good graphics, the perfect thing to while away the time when your supposed to be working or studying =]. Happy reading all!

A quick adendum, FunnyMarx has also given us his "opus". A no frills SC report! Not even one picture mars this masterpiece. Well, maybe one. Or two. But the last one was nice =].


A shout out to Eriador      Oct 05 2002
For winning the Tilt Lan tournament. He's been a notable competitor in the tourneys for a while now, and it's cool to see him go to a big event and win a nice $$ prize. Check out the story in his own words (he's liquid'drone btw) on the liquid website. GJ Eri!


Hahaha hacking suckers!      Sep 08 2002
"Warcraft III Map Hack Users Banned - 9/06/2002
In keeping with our aggressive stance against hacks and cheats, we have closed 20,000 accounts that were found to be using Warcraft III map hacks, and removed their ladder records. In addition, the CD keys of those offenders have been banned from ladder play for two weeks. We will continue to monitor the Warcraft III realms for malicious players. Please note: repeat offenders can suffer permanent removal from if they continue to use hacks.

We regret having to employ these extreme measures; however, certain unscrupulous players have impaired the game play of the Warcraft III community as a whole, and severe action continues to be warranted and required.

We appreciate your understanding and cooperation in this matter. If you would like to report additional instances of hacking or cheating, please contact us at Thank you again for your continued support.

-- Blizzard Entertainment"

This is awesome. Blizz is finally taking the steps needed to truly prevent hacking in a game. This aggressive new policy is just what us honest players have wanted since the first map hack came out in SC. Good Work Blizz!

Also, I'd like to give a quick thanks to everyone who clicked through us before doing thier amazon buying. It's been working out great for us. We appreciate it!


~CattleBruiser~ fixes images in all old reports!      Sep 05 2002
CB has been so kind to fix all the broken images in his old reports, restoring them to their 10.0 glory!!

If you want to see reports from the first reporting GOD, here ya go

CB's Reports


Holy *&!@ing $h1t      Sep 04 2002
Yeah baby, yeah! It's CattleBattle (tm) Time! CattleBruiser has given us a report. Not just any report, a funny, in depth, war3 report, all done in a marvelous interactuve format, with loads and loads of extras. A great reporter returning with a great report! This is enough to make any reader happy in thier pants all week. Did I mention the writing?:

"Derek: "Those water elementals look kind of like dolphins with arms. Hey, do you suppose they'd make good bowlers?"".

It just doesn't get any better than that. So go read you foolz! And hey, thanks CB =]


heXigen Tourney      Sep 03 2002
heXigen Gaming is a new site that plans on running a large 128 man tournament. Entry fee is $5, and they're offering a large cash prize to the winner. Probably worth a shot if you believe in your skillz =]. Good luck to all that sign up!


Best strat ever!      Aug 30 2002
Have you ever faced the awesome power of the Acolyte rush?!? Better hope you never will. This report put a smile on my face ^^.


Nice!      Aug 16 2002
First up, our boy Dialtone has written a very nice war3 report. The crisp, clean text is just a pleasure to read, and the pics... The pics are what you expect from Dial. This is what is all about. Excellent work Dial, I'm glad to see you at it again!

Our next intrepid reporter is Blarg He's also a War3 fan, and paints a very descriptive vision with his text and pics. He also has one of the best formats I've seen in a while, and its only his fourth report. Good work Blarg! Happy reading all.


Hey Now      Aug 12 2002
Is that....I think.....Did you see........YES!?!!!!!! IT IS!!!! An actual good report by Psyonic_Reaver!!! Holy crap, who would have thought he was capable? =]

Just kidding big guy. Your graphic skills have taken a nice little leap, and the writing is well done. Doesn't hurt that you have my boy HurtNTime in the report either =].


War 3 Map Hack      Aug 09 2002
"Warcraft III Map Hack - 8/07/2002 Please note that we are aware of the Warcraft III map hack that has recently surfaced and are working to neutralize this hack now. The hack works by allowing players to disable the fog of war setting in multiplayer games, which grants an advantage to the person using the hack. The hack allows an unscrupulous player to see where all opponents and creeps are located on the map prior to actually exploring the map with a unit.

In keeping with our aggressive stance against hacks and cheats, Blizzard will ban the CD key of anyone caught using this hack in Warcraft III. Furthermore, we will continue to randomly monitor games connected through to ensure fair play.

Please save your replay if you suspect someone has cheated when playing against you. If you have played a game against someone you suspect of having cheated, you can file a complaint at (be sure to attach your saved replay file). Also, please notify if you have any information on persons or Web sites found to be distributing any type of hack or cheat program affecting any Blizzard game.

Blizzard would like to take this opportunity to sincerely appeal to anyone considering using a map hack program. While it might seem like fun to have an unfair advantage on, the end result of these types of programs is that they affect the enjoyment that other people get from our games. We take no pleasure in banning the CD keys and preventing play over of people who have legitimately purchased a copy of one or more of our games. Abiding by the terms of our end user license agreement helps us keep fun and reliable for everyone.

As always, we appreciate the efforts of our fansites in spreading the word and helping to raise customer awareness with such issues. Thanks to our customers as well for your patience and understanding. In the weeks to come, we will post a follow-up statement with an update on our efforts to prevent players from using map hack programs in Warcraft III.

-Blizzard Entertainment "

You heard 'em boys. Report the hackers and get thier cd keys banned.


1,732,089 page views in July      Aug 03 2002
Whoa, I could hardly believe the stats when I saw them. The site's hits have almost doubled since the release of war 3. Now let me go ponder if this is a good thing or bad thing. Someone get me a banner deal ok?


Did I mention      Aug 01 2002
That my boy Zerg~Ling put out a truly cool flash report on War3? It's got it all baby, go enjoy!


Lucky?      Jul 19 2002
LuckyNewbie you mean! Damn right. Read the truth, it will set you free. Or at least make you laugh your ass off.


Well, looky here!      Jul 16 2002
Good old Dagomar has entertained us with another starcraft battle report masterpiece. So big he needs two parts to show all the Daggity goodness! Enjoy my friends, enjoy!


War 3 Replay Support Added      Jul 12 2002
Nuff Said


Second to last episode?      Jul 01 2002
It looks like Kane might be wrapping up his story. It's been one hell of a trip. One more episode to go!

But wait! One more!


Tournament time      Jun 26 2002
Tourney has begun! You can view the details here


Oooooooooh!      Jun 26 2002
Hey, would you look at this? Zerg~ling has a frickin' nice report out! With flash and good games and descritption and stuff! Amazing =]


CK Strikes back!      Jun 18 2002
Part Nine. And they just keep getting better. GW Kane!

Mark4 Tourney      Jun 13 2002
Ladies and Gentlemen, children of all ages, is once again sponsoring a tourney. Astic-X, or Liquid`Crystal as he goes by now is running this one. The $64 prize has drawn some of the best of ~nohunters to play for fame and fortune. You can find the brackets here. The tourney takes place the 29th. Good luck to all the players!

Maps here:


Tourney time again!      Jun 11 2002
Louder is once again hosting a tourney.

"2v2 this saturday.

This tourney will be simple double elim, 16 teams, 1pm eastern, email to signup."


Cuz it needed it      Jun 09 2002
We're putting in SlingsNArrows as admin for the main forum. God help you pot smoking little wierdos now.


Aha! Reports!      Jun 08 2002
My good man Fox has posted a report of.... wait for it.... his GO games vs Drefsab. Definitely not your standard fare, but hey, it's Fox and Dref, so go read it!

For a much more traditional report, look to Ling-erie. The man reported on a 16 player 1v1 tourney he played in, and the results are extremely impressive! You have to read it. Now!


The Journey Continues      Jun 03 2002
Part 7. Where Kane demonstrates how Gerard takes no shit from anyone =]. Sorta.


Ok guys      Jun 02 2002
Quit bothering Louder about the tournament rules:

"Please read the tournament info before you signup. Do not request information from louder in email, because he will not answer you. Thank you." - Louder

Also Zerg~Ling has posted a very nice report featuring Grrr.... playing a 1v1 vs Tactics. A very interesting read, although the graphics can be best described as "expiramental". ^^


Tourney this Saturday      May 31 2002
My good man Louder has asked me to put out some info about the tournament he is holding:

TIME: Saturday June 8th, 1PM EST
PLACE: Clan HnR)
EVENT TYPE: 1v1, Grouped

You can find his brackets and stuff here.

In other news, Ling~erie has posted again, this time featuring Jam (from his last ffa) and Lightning. Good solid Ling style writing, and decent graphics. Definitely worth a look or two.


How do I write me a battle report?      May 27 2002

Yup folks, I know you've been asking yourself that question for ages, and just waiting for a little direction to start writing that masterpiece of you and your brother vs the smelly kid who lives down the road in an epic 2v1 confrontation. Or maybe not.

Anyway, Zerg~Ling has been nice enough to hook all of you up with his own battle report writing guide. It's a bit different from the others we have, giving a nice overview of some techniques to make your life easier and some good tips on how to get started with the more advanced reporting tools like dreamweaver and PSP. So if you want to crank your reporting game up a notch, take a few minutes to get what you want out of his efforts. Any comments or questions can be directed to me or posted on the forum with the post title of "YO ZERG~LING!!!"


A quick post...      May 26 2002

The Journey continues.


Take a trip down memory lane...      May 21 2002
With SCV~007. My boy SCV slaved away after I begged him to restore the pics to his old reports. I mean, the site just isn't really complete without the Rapping Contest at the end of this old classic, is it? Anyway, SCV, restored 11 of his old school reports, and they are definitely worth a re-read. (Heck, he only wrote 14 so just go look at them all =] ) Yup folks, that's why Johnny worked his little fingers to the bone and ignored WarriorPrincess for weeks on end, to perfect that little search code you find here. What, you want it made easier? Just copy paste his name from this post thx GW.


Some nice new reports ^^      May 20 2002
First off, Kane continues his impressive saga. I'm more impressed with every episode. Kane is really showing an ability to grab people with his work and has some very interesting little side stories going on.

For the more traditional report fan, FunnyMarx (no relation), has put out a very well made effort pitting three Northwestern students vs three from U Penn. The technical execution and great writing make this one worthy of the highest marks.


CHJ for Rater!!!      May 19 2002

Hey, wait a second, I decide who gets to be rater. Hmmmm. Ok, CHJ is rater! =]

Yes folks, after a huge amount of contributions to the site, like his godly Dr.Awesome chronicles, and his restoration of other great reporters works, CHJ has recieved the great priveledge of working like a dog rating reports for =]. We all know and respect his judgement, so I'm sure he'll make a great addition to the team. Congratulations CHJ, and thanks for helping out the site!

And in other news, our old pal Tamaraw has produced a cool MechWarrior report. It has an interesting format, and some html error turns the whole page blue =]. Anyway, well worth checking out.


ROOK IS HERE!!!      May 17 2002
The long wait is over, get your very own Rook clay statue, with sword today. Normally they would sell these babies for $25, but through this limited time offer you can get your very own Rook for a paltry price of $12!!!

Order now while supplies last!

Lotsa Good Stuff      May 14 2002
Like Xmas in May.

First off We have C Kane with his fourth installment in his fanfic. Good stuff, and it's building up to become something greater. Maybe Praetor has some competition in the epic series event. Well, not quite like that, but it's still good.

Well, actually, C Kane's report has one great use even if you don't like fanfics. You can go read it and if you have a dial up, Dagomar's latest report will be almost halfway done loading by the time you get through! Yup, Dag hits us with a beautifull Homeworld BR this time around, and the pics are totally new style. Check it out, satisfaction sorta guaranteed =].


As Keanu Reavers says, "Whoa"      May 08 2002
Joe.Smurf didn't even have to ask for the front page hookup this time. His huge report speaks for itself. Three games of War3 featuring such well known players as Tiller and Pillars. Such ownage. Such entertainment. So smurfalicious.


More anticipated than SW episode 2      May 05 2002
The Return of CrackHeadJeb! Its a huge ass FFA with such fan favorites as Derek, Testosterone, and the ever popular SCV~007. Doesn't this entertainment beat the bag out Attack of the Clones? Yes, I am posting from a laptop with a cell phone dial up from the line of my local movie theater. Only 12 more days folks =].

Oh, and for those who have been following it, CitizenKane continues his Journey.


Would you like a Rook on your desktop?      May 02 2002
Hey wouldn't it be cool to have good ol' Rook perched on your computer desk cheering you on as you best another opponent online? Well now it just MIGHT be possible. We have a talented artist willing to mold and hand paint a Rook clay statue! I'm not sure yet on the cost, but probably between 10 and 20 bucks.

Unfinished Rook (First Draft without paint)

Do mine eyes decieve me?      Apr 27 2002
Can it be that most treasured of report types? Yes! Dagomar has written again! *braces the server for the legions of fans that immediately rush to view the report*


Added War 3 section!      Apr 21 2002
Due to the upcoming release of War 3, we've decided to create a new battle reports category for it. There are already some Warcraft 3 reports written by "beta" testers up, so check them out if you haven't!

War 3 Report Listing


Wow. That's All I can say. Wow.      Apr 18 2002
This is the first entirely new concept I have seen in battle reporting in a looooong time. The basic premise is this. FunnyMarx is playing his buddy in the turn based strategy game of Steel Panthers over instant messenger. He plays a turn every day or so and then updates the HTM file of his report in his report center account. So you get an update of the game turn by turn, adding your comments as the game progresses. Marx gets the benefit of writing a really cool report and all the free advice on how to proceed =]. Great twist on the reporting art Marx. Good luck with your game!


Call me Joe      Apr 16 2002

Yet again Joe gave me the <3 to front page plug his Latest W3 Report. So I guess I will. Heck, it even deserves it on its own merits without the asskissing! Sorta.... =]


All those old reports....      Apr 15 2002
Got me in the mood for some new reports! Thankfully Mr. Mediocre came through with a nice stoiry about his latest LAN party.

And if that wasn't your cup of tea, try this more traditional report by K+K. Hey, it's got pics of sexy babes holding up signs between the rounds =].


More restored reports?!?      Apr 08 2002
CHJ=the man! He's restored a couple more of the classics to thier original beauty. So far he's done:
Scarab classic #1
Scarab classic #2
You have to appreciate the effort CHJ has been putting in on these things, and he's promised more in the future. I'll update this post as he does so. Great work CHJ!

Also, Testosterone has given us a reworking of one of his old classics, featuring the ever fearsome Mantra!

CHJ has even more restored reports form WWC3:
Roomate vs Zileas
and even more!:
#1 suck

Also, Mr.Mediocre has redone his vaunted Grinding the Corn of Destiny Part 2

CHJ has done even more work for us, restoring some Bob_The_Newt reports. Check out the old school humor:
Rambo Probe!
A-X Sucks

Drefsab's decision report.

And DR.Z has updated his Captains report.


A few bits o      Apr 07 2002
First off, CHJ has restored the pics on Fractal Wave's old report, bringing this classic back to its former glory. Please note the little html mess up at the bottom was in the original, its not CHJ's fault! This baby got 5 well deserved tens when it was originally submitted, go see why!

In other news Joe.Smurf has brought us a nice little W3 report. Check it out for yourself and decide if I should have fallen for this:

"hope I get a front page hookup -_-
I <3 mark4

-joe "


CrackHeadJeb brings up the nostalgia hack =]      Apr 06 2002
CHJ has enlivened the main forum with a post about classic reports. Now, we all know CHJ has some of the best reports out there, but he also has great taste when it comes to reading reports! Just take a glance at his selections and you know you're seeing the true essence of Thanks for bringing back some great memories CHJ!


Bad things at SCLegacy      Mar 31 2002
I just got through reading a news article over at SC Legacy. It's about a CompUSA game played between our good friend HurtNTime (a star in CHJ's awesome report noted in the post before this one, and many other reports) and some [crew]korean gamer. I suggest you go read the article and then check out the comments section for HurtNTimes reply.

I've known Hurt for a while, and he's always been a very honorable gamer. Even if I didn't know him, the article can't say he did anything wrong, it just has a really bad slant in it against Hurt. If anyone is to blame it should be the CompUSA official, or [crew]korean who kept pestering Hurt for a game without the official.

At the end of the article SC Legacy urges its readers to email CompUSA and protest against Hurt. I ask all our readers to read the article and Hurt's reponse and give them your opinion to help the little guy from getting run over. Thanks.

Update: SCL has put up Hurts rebuttal on the front page as a second story. I applaud them for trying to correct thier error, but I still think they did the wrong thing in the first place. Still, good to see someone admit to a mistake.


CrackHeadJeb      Mar 30 2002
The title says it all. CHJ has posted again, this time returning to his SC reporting roots. If you're still reading this news item instead of immediately clicking on the link, you must be sampling some of the product that's in CHJ's name.


Another clan bites the Dust      Mar 23 2002
Making this a trend in his reports, Mick screws around with another clan, with the usual results when you screw around with people who have the IQs of cocker spaniels. Enjoy!


Freespace?      Mar 23 2002
Ladies and gentlemen, Dagomar has brought us another report, this time set in the interesting game of Freespace 2. Yeah, I know, only three people who read this site have played it, but Dag makes it sound cool as hell, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading a massive report on a game I started knowing next to nothing about =]. So give it a click people, it's worth it!


Flash and Trash      Mar 20 2002
Well, the trash part isn't all that accurate =]. Zerg~Ling has given us another report, with what one might term a "veritable cornucopia" of picture loving goodness. The masterful little deviant even threw in a cool flash movie for your pleasure! Modem users beware: you're in for the wait of your battle report reading life if you click the above link.


Waking up all over again      Mar 18 2002
Our very old friend, Mr. Mediocre has visited us once more. This time he brings us a work of fiction with a bitter twist of reality. Worth reading, though I doubt you'll enjoy it in the conventional sense.


Ling-Erie to the rescue!      Mar 17 2002
Yes indeed ladies and gentlemen, Ling brings us another of his great efforts at battle reporting, this time a massive 6 player FFA on flooded plains. The graphics have a nice washed out effect to them, and meet Ling's usual high standards. Very descriptive writing makes the action easy to follow, so kick back, put a green beer in your hand in celebration of Saint Paddy's Day, and spend a lazy sunday afternoon before your Irish drinking binge reading some good old SC action.


War3 Cheese!      Mar 09 2002
Our old buddy Joe.Smurf is back, bringing us a delightful strategy for use with those nasty old dark elves. Joe has maintained his usual excellent writing style, and did some nice little tricks with the pics to that look pretty cool. So make with the clickin' and give Joe some of the respect he deserves for putting a little wisconsin style cheese product in the latest blizzard title.

You all love clans right?      Mar 07 2002
Well, our friend Mick decided to have a little fun at ones expense. The report itself doesn't exactly have suspense filled games, but he has an effective format, lotsa pics, and even stuck in a "Screech" reference. You gotta respect that!


A little WC3 action      Feb 24 2002
Serious has managed to get the WC3 beta, and decided to write up a little report on a 2v2 game. The report features some nice graphics and explains a lot of the principles behind the game in simple terms, so it's worth a read for those of you interested.


While you're all waiting breathlessly      Feb 03 2002
for Erad to write up the Invitational tourney finals, I got a few other things for you to look at. First up, Dagomar has a pretty cool 1v1 report for your viewing pleasure. Very good writing combined with decent pics makes for a good read.

If you're looking for something special, Lingerie has put a funky report of him trying out Heart's old deep six strat. Maybe we have another terran innovator in our midst, taking over where the old master left off in both strats and reporting? At the very least, Ling has way better pictures than Heart ever did =]. Check out the report, you won't regret it.


$100 Invitational Tourney      Jan 27 2002
Ladies and Gentlemen, is proud to announce our first inviatational tourney with a first prize of $100 and second of $25. The invitations are based on the performances in our previous tourneys, you can find a full description of the rules and a list of the invitees here. This tourney will take place on saturday, 2 February, at 3:00 pm EST. I think it'll be a lot of fun and hopefully we'll have a lot of cool replays for everyone to check out.

UPDATE!! All five rounds have been played with these results:
: Apex 4-1
Astic 4-1
HT 1-4
Drone 3-2
Corbalt 3-2
Waxangel 3-2
T_Mac 0-5
Mantra 2-3

You can find every games replay in the replay section, all players were required to post replays after each game. If you're looking to pick one to get you started, try this one, it's Astic vs Corb PvT on Proving ground, and it's chock full of the little tricks that got these players invited in the first place.

Speaking of the playoffs, as you can see Apex and Astic ended up tied. To decide the winner, they agreed to play a three game series. And Apex wins it all! Eradicate~me will be writing reports on the final games, so the replays won't be available until he posts them. Also, in a great display of sportsmanship Apex donated half his $100 prize back to the tourney fund. Congratulations to Apex and Astic, and all the players. Thanks for some great games guys, and a special thanks to T_Mac for not quitting.


Chocolatey Dref Goodness      Jan 12 2002
My good man Drefsab has given us another one of his stories. I don't know about you, but these short little concepts are one of my favorite parts of Thanks for giving us all a fun little piece to puzzle over Dref.


Yet another $$ tourney      Jan 10 2002
This time it's going to be a little wierd, using different game types like greed and slaughter. Check out the full rule set here. Go read the rules on who is eligible and then sign up! $20 prize and eligibility for the uber tourney for the winner. Tourney is this sunday at 3:00 pm est, sign up quick!

UPDATE!! High Templar wins his second tourney!! In an amazing display of skill, HT takes home the gold in the second 1v1 style $$ tourney, even though he had to face Mantra in the finals. As further display of his awesome good manners along with his gosuness, he even rescheduled the finals games rather than take the forfeit he was offered due to Mantra's connection problems on sunday. Congratulations HT, I now proclaim you the first official tourney ass-kicker.


FFA TOURNEY IS SET      Jan 04 2002
Ok basically you can check out the link here I'll be updating it as soon as I'm done with this post it has the pairings and the maps they are on for this Sunday at 3PM EST. If you want just show up, I have a lot of ppl on the alternate list, if you want to be on it then mail me at More then likely there are going to be some fillins.


So, how are them reports nowadays?      Dec 30 2001
Well, I'm glad you asked. We have a few cool ones on the top ten gold, but the one I'm going to talk about is Dagomar's latest, a massive FFA starring the usual suspects you get when you say "Hey I've got a great idea for a report with a huge ass FFA" in clan ~nohunters on a friday after everyone has been drinking wether its legal or not. Anyway, Dag throws out his usual splendid graphics, involving storytelling, and everything else that makes him one of the best reporters around. Thanks for the chocolaty Dag goodness!


FFA TOURNEY! $$      Dec 27 2001
Hell Mark4 is still on vacation I believe, so I took it upon myself to post the news of a new tourney. 32 player signup. Contact me at basically 4 games of 8 player FFA. The top 2 players from each game, meaning the winner and the last person he eliminated will move on to the finals to play in a final 8 player ffa. I don't have a map list yet, but I do know that Plains of Snow and Tribes will be on that list. The 1st prize is $20 so if you want to play e-mail me with your bnet name, your forum name, and a link to a post you have done in the community. Check out the rules here, which will be updated.


GameSpy Reviews Strifeshadow      Dec 23 2001
Take a few minutes to check out this very thorough review HERE. It goes into some of the downsides, like the older graphics engine and lack of (oops) singleplayer support, but it covers a lot of the cool features. You can tell by reading that these guys had fun playing the game and really got into it. They gave it a solid rating and said it's one of the better multiplayer RTS games out this year, especially for hardcore RTS types which frequent here. We've even had some former doubters, like Ghostlizard, who spent a lot of time bashing the game before he played it, coming on line and enjoy Strifeshadow. If you're still a skeptic, take more than a minute to look at the demo, there's a lot of depth for smart RTS players who take a few games to get up to speed with it.


2L Wins the 2v2 Tourney!      Dec 23 2001
A big congratulations to the fun-loving Corbalt and notorious Testie for winning the 2v2 Holiday tourney! They faced some very tough opposition, first from Inte in round one who eliminated Corbalt before Testie came back to win it all, and then in the finals during the second game, where POA SCV rushed Testie out of the game on Bloodbath. I think POA gets tourney MVP for that one =].

Anyway, big congratulations to our winners, Fox was on hand for the final results to collect up names and send out prizes. I'm about to take off on vacation, so Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Oh, you guys might want to take a look at the baddest finals game in a 2v2 tourney ever.


2v2 $$ Tourney!      Dec 17 2001
That last tourney was fun as hell, and pretty easy because everyone was so cool about everything. Big shout out to HT again for his victory.

Fox was greatly interested by the tourney and has agreed to sponsor a second one. It's going to be a 16 team 2v2 tourney, held at 3:00 pm EST on the 23rd of december 2001. Each member of the first place team will recieve a $10 prize. One special provision I can tell you right off, each team member must pick thier race at start of tourney (zerg, toss, terran, random) and stick with it the entire way through. Just to throw some planning and strategy into the picks with whatever maps we decide on. Full rules here.

Once again, the tourney will be restricted to ppl, so same provisions for that as last time. If I don't know you, you need to give me a link to a post or report from Nov 15th to dec 15th.

So, start picking your teams. Have the team captain only email me with your team name and the handles you'll use, along with your forum name if different.

UPDATE!!! Brackets generated, sign ups closed!


High+Templar wins the tourney!!!      Dec 15 2001
HT had some very tough competition. He battled his way past Corbalt in the semis and Apex in a three game match in the finals to be the holiday champion! I'd like to give a big thanks out to all the players, especially the people who stepped up for the last minute substitutions. Another big thanks to Angel for helping me out with admin stuff, I thought it was gonna be a lot more work than it was =]. High, you're a complete badass, and well deserving of the first place prize. Happy Holidays all!

Mark4 Holiday Tourney      Dec 09 2001
In keeping with the holiday spirit, is hosting a holiday tourney with a first place prize of $50 USD. In order to keep this a community event, to enter you must have submitted a battle report or posted on the forum in the last 30 days as of 8 Dec 2001. The tourney is taking place on the 15th of Dec at 1200 EST. For all the rules and some more details, look here. Happy Holidays all!

UPDATE! Tourney is filled. Now accepting alternates!

UPDATE!! All alternate positions filled. Names are posted. See you all on saturday.

UPDATE!!! Brackets generated! I know I said saturday, but this makes it a lot easier on me, and will give players a feel for who they are playing.


Ooooh, first Breeze now this!      Dec 07 2001

Yes folks, Dialtone is back. After a long hiatus, he's presented us with a report done in his classic style, with clean pics and descriptive prose. This one is of PvT on Temple, with our old friend Bold taking up the toss's honor.

Also, DivvyO has given us another one of his incredibly non-heterosexual, yet also highly entertaining FFAs. If you don't laugh your ass off, you're probably just mad that a certain very large broodwar site happened to steal about $100 of bandwidth off you using direct links to dloads yesterday. Of course then you might have to use your awesome scripting skills to send everyone trying to use those downloads right to the good old online StrifeShadow sales site. Hypothetically speaking of course. Bastards. Now, as always, Johnny=god.

Anyway, DivvyO is in fine comic form, so treat yourself to his two part report featuring such old school greats from as Wangsonn and The.Confessor. Ok, just one old school great, and yes, I do mean you Fess =]


And the main reason for the bandwidth usage      Dec 07 2001
.. Is that and have been remote linking to our replays without permission. This is called "leeching bandwidth" and is done so that they do not have to pay for their own bandwidth. I had thought that those sites were a bit more honorable than resorting to those practices.

Once my web host finds out we used 10 gigs in one day, its highly possible we could get shut off. Lets hope not. :-(

I am assuming that those websites just didn't "know any better", at least I hope that is the case, but it is hard to believe. All the replays have been temporarily removed for the time being, except for the Strifeshadow ones.


WCG replays using too much bandwidth      Dec 07 2001
Due to the insane amount of bandwidth that we used yesterday, I removed all of the ZIP'ed replayed to a separate location (they still exist), but so that the server doesn't use 10 more gigs of bandwidth in one day like it did yesterday!

Also I put a 300k limit on all replay submissions and ask you to only submit one replay at a time. Also, please only submit one replay a day. I think its great that you want to post the WCG replays but wasn't designed to be a file server for entire events like the WCG. No doubt hundreds of other web sites are leaching bandwidth of us, by remote linking to our replays.

So if you could just submit one replay, max, per day that'd be great.



They have the internet in Prague?      Dec 06 2001
Our old friend Breeze is back, this time telling the story of he and his friends from Bulgaria who went to the AMD challenge in Prague. It's a pretty cool story and very interesting for those of us who want to know how these pro tournaments play out in person. I have to warn you thogh, there is at least one slightly homoerotic part where Breeze is sleeping in some bed with another guy ...not that there's anything wrong with that, right T_Mac? And of course, it being Breeze, he took lots of pictures and even has some AVI movies for your high bandwidth types. Read and enjoy!


WCG Replays      Dec 06 2001
Big thanks go out to our good man The.Confessor. He's uploaded a ton of replays from the WCG starcraft world championships to our replay section. Browse and pick out the games of your favorites at your leisure, the link goes to the Maynard vs Grrr one for some old school name recognition =]. We all appreciate it Confessor, thanks!


Battlereport-like Review      Dec 05 2001
Bard_Taliesin, the Strifeshadow singles and doubles Beta Champion (doubles with Pillars) tells all in his review of the game. While some people have made up their mind one way or the other already about Strifeshadow, this review is a great read for anyone who might be considering the game. Bard doesn't blow smoke up anyone's ass, and talks about the positives and negatives from the perspective of someone who has taken the time to learn the game and become one of the best players. The review goes into detail on some of the basics and a few advanced features and draws up several pros and cons lists. Read it here, it's a good read: Bard's Review/Preview

YRM welcomes its first affiliate      Nov 27 2001 welcomes Team Areola an excellent web site that started out as a Starcraft clan, but has branched out into a popular internet community. We thought an affiliation would be great to welcome some of their visitors here, as well as encourage some of you guys to check out what they have to offer. The shining jewel of their site is definitely their tournament manager which has a lot of features, and probably even better than the tourney manager. I suggest you try it out for your next tournament!


Strifeshadow on the move      Nov 20 2001
Our old friend DinoDin has written a very nice SS report, with the help of someone known only as "Joseph" for the pics. I'm not sure wether that's YRM or not, but the pic quality is very respectable. As for the game itself, it aptly demonstrates a good part of the intense strategy available in SS. Zileas and Artius are players, along with Dinodin and Joseph. It takes a brave man to fight the creator of a game when he's also known as a RTS god.... Check it out and see if Dino and Joe are up to the challenge.

In other news, I'd like to announce that I'm not only damn sexy, I also have godlike intelligence and a shitload of modesty. Just thought you'd like to know.


Watch me blatantly plug myself!      Nov 19 2001
Yes Ladies and Gentlemen, my first new report since January of 2001. I've finally gotten off my ass and written a new report. This baby is meant to be read as you watch the replay, so don't forget to follow the link in the report and download it. The game itself is a tight little PvT featuring me vs Bold, all done up in classic AQD3 style (that means no pics). Enjoy!


WCG replays      Nov 18 2001
Check out our replay section for the WCG USA replays. We don't have the full set yet, but XG3 (of Starcraft Legacy) was kind enough to help us out with a decent collection. You can start out with a quick PvZ with Whear and Apex and work your way down from there. Happy viewing!


The Somme      Nov 17 2001
Robert Frazer brings us something in another vein entirely, an account of the Battle of the Somme from WW I. It's an interesting piece, using all the conventions of the standard battle report format. Take a look at some real history and remember the men who fought long ago to ensure we're free to play our games today.


IntoTheRain vs Niza      Nov 08 2001

My thanks go out to -Ravage- for this one. He's posted a godly PvZ game of Rain vs Niza on Jungle Wars. This sucker goes the distance, ending up in a tenacious end game battle. Which do you think will win? The insane effectiveness of the crackling or the massed storms cast with a precision I haven't seen since Zileas hung out in Nohunters?


Strifeshadow available for pre-order      Nov 07 2001
A news release I swiped from the Ethermoon site...

Strifeshadow is now available for pre-order for $29.99. It will ship to customers on 11/15/01. To pre-order, follow this link:

Most international customers should be able to order directly from, and that will be the fastest way for them to acquire Strifeshadow. Anyone having problems purchasing Strifeshadow should contact We promise to work on your problems before even reading any bug reports or installation problems.

The demo will be available starting Monday 11/12/01 from Anyone interested in hosting a mirror should contact Martin Snyder.

For more information and links, check out the following links
Ethermoon News
Ethermoon Forum

Top player 1v1      Nov 06 2001

As written in the reporting style of Zerg~Ling. This is a funky little report of a 1v1 between TheMarine and H.O.T. Forever on Rivalry. Hey, at least it's not temple, right?

BTW, if you run across a replay in our replay section that you think is just plain godly, feel free to email me so I can spice up the front page with it. Thx.


Diluvio for Mayor!      Nov 01 2001

Ladies and Gentlemen, and I use that term loosely, it's been a while since the last noteworthy report...on MechCommander2!. Thankfully Diluvio has graced us with just such an offering. Check it out and admire it's well crafted prose. Previously published in two parts, the final update is well worth a second viewing.


Vegas Junior is one!      Oct 29 2001
Vegas Jr. in furthering his attempts for world domination turned one year old today! Now when people ask his age he no longer responds with "Well actually good sir, I am zero years of age."

In other news, Drefsab has reconstructed his website from bits and pieces of cached content from user's web browser cache! Unbelievably rising from the dead to this new location here at


Season has ended!      Oct 06 2001

My ladder has ended, and the new season has started. Go back and sign up at MAKE SURE YOU READ THE RULES there is important stuff there!!! Other then that pass the word around and have some fun!!!


Actual good reports?!?!!!      Oct 01 2001

Following the usual pattern, all the great reporters are starting to drop reports on us at once.

First is Blaze with the continuation of his epic series between Moon and Hotdog. This one is serious old school, great writing, and graphics with a very distinct yet understated style. Not a report to miss.

CrackHeadJeb is the next perpetual badass reporter to step up to the plate. His twisted little report is a 7 FFA on abbattoir, which as you all know is the smallest map size there is. T_Mac and Iggy both participate in this bloody tale, can you guess which variety of gayness is more potent? And CHJ even mentions The Coolest Battle Report Ever, which gets him extra style points.

Speaking of old school, I think I should also mention DinoDin's latest, a fun little strifeshadow BR of him vs Artius. It's really easy to get into, and has some decent smack talk about pimpin' =].

Well, that should keep you kiddies in material for a while, especially Fox who doesn't read very fast ^^.


Fox Ladder Playoffs      Sep 28 2001
On october 7th at 4:PM EST. Playoffs will occur for my ladder. I am going to seed the top 16 players and have them go through an single elimination tourney. I want the top 32 players to show up so if someone doesn't show, someone ranked below 16th will take a spot. Now if you want to show just to obs games that's Fine.

On Saturday the 6th, at the end of the day, I will take the people based on there place and put them in the playoffs. If on sunday prior to the tourney you lose or gain ranking that would change yoru position. Don't worry. I determine ranks based on how they are at the end of Saturday.

Channel: Clan Fox^1 Time: 4:00PM EST When: Oct 7, 2001

Any questions please contact me at I will be battle reporting the finals and posting them on


God Bless America      Sep 12 2001
"These attacks will not stand".


How to get to      Sep 12 2001 has had a problem with their domain name, so in the meanwhile you must do the following to access it.

Edit your Hosts file on your computer. (Search for "Hosts" in windows directory, using Find command)

Add this line, and save it.


New ladder      Sep 03 2001
[c]Napoleic asked me to post about his new ladder. He had this whole big thing he sent me, but bottomline is he has a new ladder up here and it looks like it might be pretty cool. So check it out if you're into ladders and not busy with Fox's =].


Time for a beatdown =]      Aug 26 2001
This old man is out of practice. Tired. Worn down. Slow. Still, I'm the number three guy on Fox's new ladder. How did such a poor excuse for a rusty old starcraft player gain this enviable position you ask? Simple. There's only four people signed up. Now go out there, register, and commence to the arse whuppin' so we can have a respectable ladder, instead of one with me in the top five.


Is drug use good?      Aug 26 2001
To judge by CrackHeadJeb maybe its not all bad after all =]. J/K folks, don't use crack. If you do, you wont get the incredible pleasure to be had from reading CHJ's report unless you're high. And man, pleasure is there to be had in full. A cool battle of the old school NHers is all I need to start my sunday morning off right.


Holy zergling Batman!      Aug 22 2001
Is nothing beyond Blaze's ability? Check out his latest, a continuation of the Moon vs Hotdog series. You'll love the little collages with the time labeling, its the next best thing to imbedding mini flash movie replays into the report. Thanks for putting this sucker out for us Blaze! "10"!


Another one?      Aug 19 2001
Dagomar is back already with his second report within a week of being made a rater. That is one productive little bastard. The game he reported was Corbalt vs Heaven, TvP, with quite a few odd tactics thrown in. Definitely worth a read.


Blazing Hot      Aug 17 2001
"This report may contain pictures of female bodies, women wearing bikinis only and/or women in revealing positions. Thus, the report is not suited for kids below 12. Sorry Astic, no report for you."

Yeah, Blaze has a new report up. This one looks pretty damn cool too.


Update: I just felt the need to quote a little more Blazing chocolaty goodness "A little Blaze story: I was going to the video store to rent a video, picking "The Art of War", featuring Wesley Snipes. I had to wait a few minutes for the bus, so I talked a bit to the girl behind the counter. She looked fairly all right I guess, but since I'm blessed with a girlfriend (she's a model, gogo blaze:), I didn't thought much about her. So I went home and watched the video with some friends. It sucked badly, so the next day I returned, and the same girl was behind the counter. I demanded a new video for free, since the first one was soo bad, and to my surprise I got it:) I then spendt a few minutes talking to the girl again, and got on the bus home. A few seconds after the bus left, I got a sms message on my cellular, and it was from the girl. Turned out she had found my phone number in the video store database. So I answered, you know, because I'm nice, and because it's always good to know many girls:) The girl seemed nice enough, she was kinda cool. But later that evening I got something like this: "Hey, I'm going to visit my boyfriend now, but if you want to, you can come over tomorrow for sex". I'm like, wtf, what did I do? I was just nice, like I always am, and now this:( Trying to not hurt her feelings, I told her that I had to go to the hospital tomorrow, so unfortunately, I was unavailable...later, it turned out that her boyfriend read her sms', and he broke up:)"

There's a lesson learned in there for all you kids. Never turn down sex. At least that's what I got out of it.

Oh Man      Aug 16 2001
Dagomar is already making all the other raters look bad. In celebration of his becoming a rater, he's released am awesome battle report showcasing some terran vs terran action on Lost Temple. Take a look at the massive BC battle pic. Godly.
All you other raters catch up.


How Strange      Aug 16 2001
I never heard of anything good coming from anyone with [SCV] near thier name before. Amazingly enough, this report is worth reading! Funky little flash movies imbeded throughout and a decent couple of 1v1 games make this "Mark4's read of the day."


New Rater      Aug 16 2001
Ladies and Gentlemen, let's all welcome Dagomar to the hallowed ranks of the raters. Despite the arduous ordeal of the selection test, Dagomar was selected and will begin regaining basic motor skills in under a week. Congratulations big man, and in your case this doesn't mean you get to stop posting reports like some slackers I could mention (me).


You ever read one of those reports that made you go "WTF?"      Aug 11 2001
Well, get ready to read another one. WilliamWC3 just submitted something that almost defies description. All I'm going to say is that it involves a parody of several high profile members of the community, and at least one has trouble keeping his pants on.

Mark4 mentioned in EGM      Aug 11 2001
In the September issue of EGM (Electronic Gaming Monthly) there is a five page article on Ethermoon, Strifeshadow, and independant game design. They talk about how hard it is to make a game with nothing when most games have a budget of $1 million to $5 million dollars. Most importantly, although they messed up and said Zileas was 'found' at when it was actually me, our site gets a mention in one of the premiere gaming mags in the world. Very cool stuff... check it out if you're at a news stand (somewhere around p 130, give or take).

Also, now that Strifeshadow has had something like 28 patches, and is a zillion times improved, you might want to take a look at an interview with the 1-1 tourney winner here. Whether Strifeshadow is more or less fun than Starcraft to certain gamers doesn't really matter because Starcraft is the best RTS game ever made. For people to compare the early beta to BW, which is an expansion to a game with multiple post release patches to refine it and millions in development is probably not a good comparison, but our 1-1 and 2-2 tourneys (congrats Pillars and Bard) went of very well. So if you're mentally able to learn and play more than one RTS game (jk) keep it in mind as we are in the final step of pre-release and the game will cost less than a normal release due to lack of single player campaigns (it's pacing is somewhat faster now too).

I'd also like to say it was great to see CB back and reporting, and a bunch of interesting stuff happening here lately.


D D D D Daggy!      Aug 09 2001
Our boy Dagomar just presented us with his next shot at the gold medal of battlereporting. This puppy can best be described as "dramatic". Maybe even "epic." Or maybe Dag is just trying too hard ^^. Whatever you decide, it's a sure thing you'll be cursing his name if you try to view it with a 56k.


Should Ling-Erie be encouraged to post?      Aug 09 2001
You've probably seen Ling's one punch line star wars parody cartoons. Unfortunately for the jokemeister, the force is turned against him by a certain someone who isn't Drefsab smurfing. Poor guy.


Guess who's back?      Aug 08 2001
~CattleBruiser~!!!!! Man, if that didn't already motivate you to click on the report, I don't think there's much hope for ya. CB was THE original reporter, the guy who inspired me to go from text only to the small html skill I have today. This latest report is done with Java on a game between Masturnate and Me^^Terran. Read it and get to know the legend again, or discover him for the first time.


And now for something completely different...      Aug 07 2001
Phobos brings us a cool little D2 parady report, harkening back to the day when CynicalMagician wrote his "frustrated paladin" series. It's fun, wierd, and if you don't laugh will buy you a free night of T_Mac's "companionship".


Blast from the Past      Aug 01 2001
Let me just quote our old friend CattleBruiser's forum post:


As promised, I've released the original 13 CattleBattle Productions with fixed HTML and working pictures. They're chock full of old-school names, like DisgruntledApe and Sqick, and that perennial map favourite, Sirocco. If you remember them, you're OLD. Not just old, but "get-out-your-walker-and-go-to-the-mall, Granny" OLD.

From the Main Page, click on "Writings" and then "Battle Reports".

If nostalgia and mostly-text reports are not your friend, feel free to ignore the link.

Cheers, ~CB~"

Thanks for sharing that old time goodness with us CB. You're still the man in my book.


Do them thar' fan fics piss you off?      Jul 31 2001
Well, take heart gentle reader. Drefsab turns his satiric wit on the people that most deserve it. Unfotunately, the fanfic writers will all think he's making fun of the other guys, not them =]


Ling time baby!      Jul 31 2001
Ling-erie isn't the most popular writer, but he's been getting better every time. Take a look at his latest effort, a nice ZvZ set of matches. Good production value and interesting writing make this one shine for me.


Planet of Dagomar      Jul 31 2001
All I have to say is that damn dirty ape made one cool report on his exploits in a 8 player FFA. Only a communist ape loving fruity pie wouldn't start reading immediately.


StrifeShadow News      Jul 30 2001
The StrifeShadow beta has made a lot of quiet progress in the last month. Personally, I've been online less than usual because my wife was in a car accident six weeks ago (she'll be ok). I'm back on to post some news about the first beta tournament 1-1, held this past weekend.

Johnny's gosu tourney manager was used. Here are the results. Click HERE.

Pillarz was upset early, Blank couldn't play that day, and that opened the door for what some would have considered an underdog, Bard, to win it all.

Next week is a 2-2 tournament. If you're on the beta, it's worth checking out. Everything about the game has continued to improve over the beta, most people new to the game don't realize that six guys with no cash, working for free, were able to do it. I've had a lot of fun testing it and working on it, so it's all been worth it. Thanks to all the testers who have worked hard with us to improve the game in almost every way over the last few months.


**Ahem**      Jul 26 2001
Well, if Dref isn't gonna post a report, I'll have to laugh my ass off to LuckyNewbie:P's comic genius. "])ark~Paladin^: i got a wolverine im my pants". If you have a short attention span, just read the quotes. It's probably funnier that way anyhow =]


Cool Replay      Jul 15 2001
If you're looking for a good PvZ game, check out this one. I have to warn you, it's a long one, but well worth the viewing. Have fun!


This time a year ago      Jul 10 2001
A fun thing to do, is to check out the reports released this time, exactly one year ago. Quite a few gems on this listing.. Do you think reports are getting better as time goes on, or worse?

Report Listing 1 year ago


How about that Strifeshadow, eh?      Jun 19 2001
Gamma Ray Burst. That name just sorta rolls off the tongue, doesn't it? Gamma Ray Burst Gamma Ray Bu.....ahem. Anyway, GRB has given us a report that's in close contention with YRM's for best Strifeshadow report ever. It's an intense 2v2 battle with great pics and loads of action. If you want to know why you have to get SS when it comes out, read this puppy.


When it rains, it pours...      Jun 14 2001
Nobody is weighing in during "gosu reporter week" (which starts the day Breeze posts^^) with his newest creation, the report on the 1v1 finals of Mr.Pimps' tourney. Both players are coached by an expert (including Zileas) to add a little flavor to the match. Nobody comes across with his usual modem-crunching graphics, suplemented by his ever present anime. Definitely not to be missed.


Breeze Strikes Back      Jun 13 2001
Check out Breeze's latest report with Episode =V= and Didi8. Great Flash, the best damn graphics seen since YRM last graced us with his prescence, and the wallpaper and replay are included free of charge. It almost makes me cry that we dont charge people to see this =]


New HTML guide      Jun 11 2001
Check out this great HTML guide, by Caught Naked, right here 3.0 released      May 24 2001
We've been working hard lately, to give you this new design, and a few more features, most importantly the replay section.

Some things we did:
-Replay section, with ratings, comments, more!
-New awesome look
-Faster page downloading
-Text updates on most pages
-600 pixel wide battlereports (was 500)
-removed 5 image uploaded that was never used
-whole site uses same layout, Tournaments and Report Center no longer look like separate sites
-forum and comment section anti-double post


Battlereports Team

The "game of kings"      May 11 2001
Rumpelstiltskin has added a battle report of the most ancient strategy game, chess. Check out his in detail analysis of an old school game. Thanks for the great story 'skin.


Two 10s in a row?      Apr 26 2001
Yes indeed! YRM posts another great Strifeshadow report, making us all salivate with anticipation for the game's release. Check it Here!

-Jonathon Emanuel Vegas

Amazing report by Casper...      Apr 24 2001
Casper... posted a fantastic report today, it includes a non-flash version which is almost as good as the flash version! Some people have had problems getting it to load, I suggest minimum system requirements of Cable/DSL, and a lot of RAM in your system. Check it HERE!!


New Rater      Apr 15 2001
Congratulations to Dr.Awesome, he's been selected to join the august ranks of the raters. His great battle reporting skills and his solid performance on the ever arduous "rater selection test" (involves three monkeys and FLS's underwear, don't ask) make him eminently qualified for this honor. Great work!


CHJ strikes again!      Apr 15 2001
CrackHeadJeb puts out his latest report as part 1 and part 2. The continuation of the Dr. Awesome Chronicles is definitely a treat for all of our readers. I have to warn you though, you may see a little smoke coming off your modem if it's a 56k.

Also getting right up there in the badass scale is The..Scarab. He has a great cast of some of our favorite players in his new FFA battle report. And you get to listen to a little Devo as you enjoy =].


Cool Paintball Report      Apr 01 2001
Check out this cool report by SCV on a paintball game he and a few friends played. Clear and easy to understand graphics and writing make this one a definite winner. Plus you get to hear about high velocity paintballs smacking around the writer! I just hope the new owners keep up this tradition of high quality reports when I'm sipping tequila on a beach in Barbados.

Mark4 sold to Venture Capitalist Group      Apr 01 2001 will be the property of Van Neisen Acquistions LLC as of April 15th. The selling was agreed upon by all the partners involved, for the price of four million dollars. The former admins have been fired and will be replaced by the purchaser within 30 days.

-Battlereports staff

Return of the Old School Reporters      Mar 25 2001
YourRoleModel, the man who started the high quality battle report in the golden days of, has returned with a report on his new game. Take a look at his cool report on the game he personally did the graphics for, StrifeShadow. You don't get any better than this.

Also coming back with a great report, [FLS]Prozerran has put out another of his
brilliant efforts on starcraft. Think "King~Lewis report" except with a little better english =]. Believe me, you don't want to miss either one!


I couldn't resist.      Mar 16 2001
When I saw that GameSpot has posted six pages of coverage on Strifeshadow, with a ton of shots and lots of information that pertains to the playback and annotation aspects that will benefit battlereporters, I had to post the link. Here -YRM-

A New Twist      Mar 11 2001
Fox and xld.aldogrez have teamed up to bring you a new concept in battle reporting. They're reporting a five Game series between Myst and Corbalt, two of the top players in the world. Fox report's from the team melee perspective of Myst's sexy zerg, and xld gives the protoss view with Corb's godly skill. Definitely an interesting concept, and well executed by these veteran reporters. Check it out!


Strifeshadow Beta Signups      Mar 10 2001
Hello battlereporters and battlereport readers... It's been 14 months since I started on the graphics for Strifeshadow, and we're finally at the beta signup period. The information for all 3 races is posted as well.

The look and gameplay of the game has steadily improved since the beginning, and, in my opinion (which is shared by the alpha playtesters), the game has turned out to be very fun at this point (even before totally tweaked).

Johnny_Vegas msged me the other day and said, "Dude, that is a FUN game you guys made." (John is a tester) I think everyone is kind of surprised that we made it this far as such a small team with virtually no budget. Our current crop of alpha testers are pretty addicted, which is great.

If you've been following the game, or just are a fan of the RTS genre and always wished for an RTS that could finally be fun besides Starcraft, check it out.
Main site
Beta signup

The beta is free and the game is competitive, so there's nothing to lose by trying to become a beta tester. We'll fill up fast, so if you want to play, sign up soon. Also besure to read the next news item and play Johnny_Vegas's latest JAVA spin-off.

Thanks, YourRoleModel

New Java Game      Mar 09 2001
Test your skill in Vale Invaders!, a game based on the upcoming RTS game Strifeshadow. Programmed by Johnny_Vegas and Lamster the Hamster.

Old School Report      Mar 08 2001
Ladies and Gentlemen, I ran across a nice little report today that I think is worth a second look at. Written under the witty and no doubt accurately descriptive name of "CrackHeadJeb", this little baby is just some good old fashioned battle reporting. Take two of these and shoot a fan fiction writer in the morning (and if you shoot Praetor, I'll come shoot you) =]


Drefsab has got a new site!      Mar 03 2001
Drefsab launched his own personal site recently, with many of his battle reports redone and fixed up. He also has a fiction section, forum, news, and some quirky humor, you should all enjoy. Check it out here.

Third Race Revealed      Feb 26 2001
Work, work, work. For the last six months, Strifeshadow updates have been less frequent as we've pushed towards finishing the game while holding back enough information for a good "pre-beta" push. The wait for third race information is over, and the next two weeks should be quite interesting.

Gamespy has the exclusive information to kick off the 10 days of 3rd race info here. You can read about the "seige-less" race and decide whether mobility will overcome the lack.

Keep your eyes peeled on Ethermoon's site for more 3rd race and beta news.


CattleBruiser impersonated =[      Feb 18 2001
Hey Guys, CB has asked me to let you all know that he hasn't been playing starcraft for a very long time. Any person you've seen online using a name similar to that and claiming to be him was lying. Hope no one got caught by this scammer.


Myst vs X'Ds~Fire      Feb 11 2001
Check out xld.Aldogrez's latest report, pitting Myst's terran against all three races as played by Fire. Some very interesting graphics work helps to showcase three great games by top players. xld is quickly making a name for himself with these excellent reports, I'm going to keep my eye on this hot new author and recommend you do the same =D.


Another great effort by Breeze      Jan 30 2001
Breeze returns with this report starring [Whear] and Mr.X. This completes his great series between these two players. As we've come to expect, Breeze has excellent graphics and writing. I particularly enjoyed the "World War II" documentary flavor the excellent pics gave this report. Thanks for entertaining us all again Breeze!


Today is my lucky day      Jan 22 2001
Yes indeed folks, cuz I found not one but two great reports submitted today. The first one was written by Testosterone, featuring a 2v2 starring yours truly on a little known map called Masoleum. This one is really a treat for the veteran reader, clear descriptive writing, great pics, and the opporunity to see [FLS]Prozerran save my incompetent little behind from certain defeat about six times before breakfast.

The next one is something a little different. Very few pics, but what there is complements the story well. And what a story. This is something for all of you heartcutter fans out there. Someone who's read his strats and takes the same indominitable spirit to the terran game. Definitely worth a look. Enjoy Dr. Awesome's effort my friends, I know I did.


Praetor talks about classic reports      Jan 18 2001
This forum post was so well written, and contains such nice reviews of old battle reports, that I had to make it a news item, to ensure that the most people possible read it.

Praetor talking about classic reports


GammaRayBurst Returns      Jan 08 2001
GRB, a long time fan favorite, is back with some hot and steamy 2v2 action in his latest report. Like all of his reports before, this one is of the highest quality with great writing and very high quality pics. And you just won't get the whole experience if you don't check out his alt text =]. This time GRB follows the exploits of the infamous terran player NewbieMcNasty and his faithfull and much better looking sidekick :+:Maverick:+: through the final two games of a 2v2 tourney. Read and Enjoy!


Drefsab Strikes Back      Dec 30 2000
Dref is kicking newb ass and taking names again with the return of his To Kill a Newb series. Check it out for some good laughs.


New FAQ item added for new feature      Dec 21 2000
How do I go over the 64k of text report posting limit, and how can I make it so that I can edit my report after I submitted it?
Insert the following tag into your report...


This lets you do a couple things. Externally load reports from another server (using FILEREAD[url]), or upload your report via the Report Center (preferable), and then set the path to it.



would work, or this would also work...


This new feature lets you bypass the normal 64K report limit. Or hell, it even lets you edit your own reports after you submitted them!


Choose your own adventure battle report      Dec 21 2000
DrAwesome created a masterpiece choose your own adventure report. Check it out!


Johnny_Vegas quoted in Philly newspaper      Dec 07 2000
I did a short interview for a reporter from Philly, and got a few paragraphs in the Philadelphia Inquirer talking about Ethermoon Entertainment's awesome new RTS. Check it out!


Great Counterstrike report!      Dec 04 2000
Bob The Newt writes a great report on a Counterstrike, the addon to Halflife. See how much ass it kicks by going Here to read it!


Its Pong Time      Nov 26 2000
Instead of the boring chat room, we've put a multiplayer PONG game in its place! Logon, chat, play a game or two of pong, and be merry. Pong NET was developed by Johnny_Vegas and his new java developing cohort Lamster The Hamster!


Fractal Wave elected to the Hall of Fame!      Nov 26 2000
Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you the newest HOFer, Fractal Wave! *applause* *more applause* *several undergarments thrown from the audience by attractive women and Bob_The_Newt* *standing ovation* Congratulations Fractal, and a big thanks to everyone who voted. Fractal ended up with 405 of over 1200 votes cast for a resounding victory.

Mark4 FAQ      Nov 18 2000
Thanks to the dilegent effors of [FLS]Prozerran we now have a very informative FAQ for the site! This should help newcomers understand what we are all about. Enjoy!


New Update and Wallpaper.      Nov 15 2000
Hey fellas. We just posted a new update at and in that update is some new wallpaper that I made. According to the reviews, it's the best yet, and it reveals a never before seen 3rd race unit. If you're interested in Strifeshadow, then just click here to go get it. There's also more great story from .Praetor which makes for some fun reading when you should be doing something else, like school or work. =D

YRM and Praetor battle report at Gamespy      Oct 26 2000
Thought you'd never see another YRM or Praetor battle report? Wrong! Check it out here


Rook's Corner is back!      Oct 23 2000
Mark4 releases another great battle report with one of the world's best players. Crazy vs Jester read it here! Check out the interview with Crazy here!


HOF Poll moved      Oct 18 2000
The HOF poll was slowing down the loading for the front page, so it was moved to Here. Please go ahead and vote! In related news, Fractal, one of the candidates, has released a "10" rated report that can be found Here. It sure as heck shows why he's leading the HOF poll =]

Mark4 Tournament Manager      Oct 08 2000
The Tournament Manager is now open for use! This will allow you to host your own tournaments for Starcraft and other games.

Some Features
  • Easy one click updates of winners and losers
  • Automatic bracket generation
  • place to link to battle reports, add comments about each game and other information
  • paste a list of names in a textbox to fill your player list

For the next few days feel free to play around with it! I'll delete any bogus tournaments at the end of the week, along with fixing any bugs you may find.


Interview      Oct 02 2000
I was recently interviewed by Mucho Money Maps, reporting, and other battlereporting aspects of Strifeshadow came up. You can check out the interview, here if you're interested.


Its a Breeze to write awesome reports!      Sep 29 2000
Breeze writes another INCREDIBLELY beautiful report. Check out what makes his reports so special right here!


Vote Early, Vote Often      Sep 27 2000
Ladies and Gentlemen, once again we are opening up the Hall of Fame. This month we will be selecting a single inductee to enter into the HOF, proof that he has what it takes to entertain you with the best of the writers on this site. We have five candidates:

Fractal_Wave: His name is almost legendary. He has the highest RookMark of any writer not currently in the HOF. Check out his great style in this report. He also had the most nominations from the raters, showing his strong candidacy.

King_Lewis: You knew the man himself was going to be on the poll. The second highest reccomended writer by the raters, and my personal favorite of the writers currently submitting reports. Check out his godly Star Wars themed reports, ALL of which got perfect tens. In a row.

TheRubberDucky: A constant thorn in my side for the first half of his (or her) career, he started breaking new ground with his innovative concept reports, such as probeteroids, and pioneered the flash report method. Definitely a candidate worth looking twice at.

Sp|ne: I promised to put him on the next HOF poll, so here he is =]. Well, he actually deserves it. He has the HIGHEST lifetime rating of anyone. Ever. And even though I told the darn raters not to vote for him because he was already in, he still got two votes from the unruly rater crowd. Check out One of his best reports on yours truly =]. I think we should vote him in just to give Praetor fits, personally.

Jamellan: Evil Eye Laser Man. I don't have to say anything else. That alone should be enough to make you vote for this guy. He's the funniest writer outside of the HOF. Let's fix that little oversight.

As you can see, we have a very strong field of contestants for this HOF vote. Choose carefully! =]


Frenchy Productions:Episode 3      Sep 22 2000
Lewis is back with the third in his frenchy starcraft series. Look for some exciting action with Ahscar-x facing off vs Capser. This report shows that frenchy reports are still the next best thing since sliced bread.


Massive Strifeshadow Update!      Sep 17 2000
Can I help it if I'm partial to my battlereporting roots? Nope! Thanks to those of you who've been following the progress of Strifeshadow. As of right now, Sunday, 6:30 EST, we are minutes away from a massive update where the rest of the Accursed are revealed.

Look for new buildings, units, songs, screenshots, a mega screenshot, new music, more great .Praetor writing, great samples from the new support artist, and decorate your desktop with the latest accursed wallpaper!

For your amusement...      Sep 13 2000 Ban Poll
Who should get banned from

Anyone who gives advice in the forum about making ban polls
Ban Phoenix-S again
SlingsNArrows, so maybe he'll make real friends and learn to drink
Anyone with SCV in their name



In the words of Silent Strike.      Sep 09 2000
For any of you hardcore gamers looking forward to giving StrifeShadow a test drive, Silent Strike posted this on the Ethermoon forum, and it's worth sharing:

Get Strifeshadow some recognition
Mail PC Gamer here and tell them the game you are most looking forward to is Strifeshadow and then post here to show your support... or something.

Super Report!      Sep 06 2000
Check out this simply AMAZING report by Breeze. Shockwave, 3D rendering, its got everything!

Check it out HERE!


Want to know whos online without logging in?      Sep 05 2000
Then its your lucky day, cause I just implemented a script that retrieves from who is currently in channel "clan ~nohunters". It updates every 3 minutes. If it says "updating..." just refresh the page in a minute and it will work.


Canada vs USA      Aug 30 2000
Some of you may remember a long time ago when Gamers Extreme had a Canada vs USA tourney. All the big names played and it sounded real cool. Too bad we never knew for sure because all the reports on it sucked! =] Now Bane is holding his own little Canada vs USA event, and his first BR, located here is a masterpiece. Flash movies, detailed in game moves, minimap references all over the place, and the Eyebrow King (Sp|ne) getting pummeled like a pinata at a mexican birthday party! Heck the only thing that could improve on it is an analaysis of the players by a well respected memeber of the staff like me...


Nobody writes good reports      Aug 24 2000
::Nobody:: that is... Although I admittedly deserve to be hung with my own entrails for that pun, I suggest you go take a look at This Report first. Anime chicks, a FFA on blood bath that ends in a ridiculous manner, and the "cannon wall o' doom". Gotta love that ::Nobody::.


Monty Hosts a Tournament      Aug 23 2000
As some of you probably already know, Montaro has taken up hosting tournaments. His first one is scheduled to open on this sunday, so get all your little heineys over to his page and sign up. Good luck!


A new Frenchy Production!      Aug 01 2000
King_Lewis has once again graced us with one of his incredible Frenchy Productions. This is one of the most entertaining reports I've seen in a long time, and includes not one but two Flash movies. When I went to rate it with a ten, I was denied because five other raters had already given it a ten. Yes, it is that good.


An interesting story      Jul 28 2000
Drefsab has been posting quite a few interesting stories lately. Most of them have been something he just whipped up at work, or jotted down in a few minutes, although still greatly entertaining. Check this out for what he can do when he puts forth some real effort. Part 1 of 4.


StrifeShadow Race 2 Revealed!      Jul 25 2000
If you haven't been to Ethermoon in a while to check out Strifeshadow. Go now. The Accursed are unvealed as well as details on a full 5 of their units, plus other goodies, including a new wallpaper which is one of my best ever (imho). If you haven't been there in a while, this is a good time to take another peek.


New Raters!      Jul 24 2000
Ladies and Gentlemen, let me present to you the results of the ever arduous rater selection course. Bane, Dr. Zhivago, and the loveable T_Mac have all been accepted as raters. Let's give all three of them our congratulations!


D2 report      Jul 24 2000
Cynical Magician has released what can only be described as one of the most humorous reports I've ever seen. Come check out his adventures as a paladin in D2 here.


Blast from the Past      Jul 19 2000
I was looking through some old reports today, and came across one of my personal favorites, Part One of the Phoenix Legion Chronicles by Praetor. This is the classic start to a twelve part series that redefined the fan fiction genre here at It's definitely worth a second read for our long time readers, and I highly recommend checking it out to our newer visitors. The best part is that now you can find all the chronicles using the search engine and don't have to wait for Praetor to publish the next parts like I had to back when I first read it. Check it out and see why Praetor is in the hall of fame.

Mark4 mentioned      Jul 14 2000
YRM is doing us all proud and linked to us in the last Ethermoon interview at Well Rounded Entertainment. Way to go YRM!


Lessons in Macro Part Deux      Jul 13 2000
GammaRayBurst has published his second installment in the "lessons in macro" series. This report is even better than the first, with some Very Nice animated gifs and a more exciting game to report on. By all means, check it out!


RookMark Updated!      Jul 11 2000
When the RookMark first was introduced, many of the best writers were concerned that it rewarded lower quality efforts in mass over fewer high quality reports. It takes a half hour to write a 5.0 report, but to score a 9.0+ may take many hours and thoughtful planning.

The new RookMark system awards points to gold reports. The higher level of gold report, the more points. You can see in the list of top 50, that in measuring quality contribution of reports to, the cream of the crop is right there, in that list. The staff feels that this new system still rewards quantity, but puts quality first. Just use the "Statistic Sorter" link on the left. Enjoy!

Some cool reports.      Jul 09 2000
We just got in the latest from some our top tier writers. Casper.. cranked out this baby about Activus! vs ProtectorOfAuir in a hard played terran vs protoss match. Very proffesionally done formatting and writing. Also, the ever loveable Bane cranked out a Very Gay (tm) FFA report. Let me put it this way, BoB_The_Newt went mass queens. How can you not read it?


Looking for something to read?      Jul 05 2000
Check out this little beauty by a new talent, Gamma Ray Burst. Think "second coming of YRM" and you have an idea of where this guy is starting.


Nohunters Changes Venue      Jun 29 2000
The venerable channel Nohunters has changed from the old "nohunters" to the new, improved, and much cooler "clan ~nohunters". I suggest everyone starts hanging out in the new channel, due to much improved moderation.


Bob's Observer Maps!      Jun 18 2000
Bob the Newt has compiled some kickass observer maps with all the observing features you could ask for. Download em here as one big zipped file.

Tao Tourney Heats Up      Jun 06 2000
Maven has contacted me and asked for report writers as he promised. If you already signed up, I'll be emailing you shortly. If you haven't and want to help, drop me some mail at The deal I worked out is that you will have the opportunity to pick your matches, so sign up quick and get a good one!

Update! I am no longer accepting requests to report Tao games. Thanks to all those that mailed in.


Frenchy Site goes active!      Jun 06 2000
Check out King Lewis's cool new SC site. With all that frenchy excellence around, it's got to be great =]


Last 100 reports      Jun 03 2000
We got rid of the two boxes on the front page, and replaced them with a cool little select box that will appear on every page, giving you easy access to the last 100 reports.

The front page should now load faster. That "Last 10 Gold Reports" was kind of database intensive. It will return when I take time to figure out a nice efficient way of coding it.


Big News at Ethermoon!      May 30 2000
Ethermoon is proud to announce three new team members! Rob Chilcott, John DeWitt, and our own Hall of Famer, Fred Wilson (.Praetor) are now members of the team.

.Praetor will be keeping the story updates fresh and more frequent. Check out this weeks story update! Having Fred allows us to have a staff member to respond to the fan community when the work levels get too high on production.

John and Rob were brought in to replace a departing Ruben in the sound/music department, and while either could have come onboard solo and done the job, we loved them both so much that we brought them on as a team. In just this short time, we already have a two minute sample written for the site and links to many of their other works.

I encourage the community to mosey on over, check out their profiles and links, and welcome our new team members in the ethermoon forum!


New Rater      May 17 2000
Ladies and Gentlemen, Fox^1 has joined the team here at as a rater. He completed the arduous rater selection course with a nearly perfect record, and has been given the awesome responsibility, power, glory, and sex appeal of a rater. Let's all give him a warm welcome.


NukeWinter Interview with YRM      May 12 2000
If you're interested in game graphics and want one perspective on what it's like to create them, check out this interview at As expected the interview covers Strifeshadow, but it also looks at some of the aspects of game graphic creation.

If you haven't done so, check out the latest screenshot of Strifeshadow... it is a nice leap of the earliest screenshots and shows some of the polish that will be in the final game. opens!      May 05 2000
Some of the guys from the community have opened a new fansite that promises to have the best content for the new Ethermoon game StrifeShadow: Tournament Edition. Check it out

Free Fall 1.0      May 04 2000
Finally is getting into the gaming business, check out their first attempt! Play Now!

Drefsab's Series Voted most popular      May 03 2000
Drefsab's hilarious BGH reports won by a landslide as most popular series, with Praetor coming in a slightly distant second with his excellent fiction.

Interactive battle report!      Apr 27 2000
Our man Drefsab has done it again. Check his latest wierd idea in this superb report. You get to choose the path that the battle you are reading follows. Perfect for those of us at work/school that would get yelled at for actually playing starcraft =]

Mark4 mentioned again.      Apr 25 2000
Even though I have been busy working on the graphics for the game Strifeshadow for a while now and haven't been as active at, I've been trying to squeeze the site name into every possible interview, and I managed to convince Martin to slip it into another GameSpy Interview. Check out the interview for the latest development notes, and check out Strifeshadow if you haven't in a while, since we've introduced the Moag Raider... the product of a Carver riding a Moag, and they can DISMOUNT in game too. The tactical flexibility of this combo is huge.


i2e2 sanctioned Tao-Of-Gaming Tournament      Apr 22 2000
Ladies and gentlemen, once again Tao has asked us to provide reporters for one of thier tournaments. This one is going to be thier biggest yet, with 256 players scheduled to take part and large cash prizes, with $1,500 going to the first place winner. You can find all the details on the tournament here. This is a great opportunity to get some excellent material for reports, with all the top Kali players participating. I sincerely appreciate all the help our writers and readers have provided on past tourneys, keeping this one of the best sites on the net, and I look forward to you volunteering to help out on this one. The tournament runs from June 5th to July 31st, and you can pretty much pick and choose the matches you want to report until the final rounds, so it will be easy to get the games you want and you'll have plenty of time to write reports. If your interested in helping out, drop me some mail here. Thanks!


YourRoleModel Interview      Apr 18 2000
YRM was interviewed at the other day about his role in making the Strifeshadow RTS game. Of course, was mentioned again and will get mention in an upcoming gamespy interview as well.

New Frenchy BR      Apr 17 2000
The sexiest french speaking man alive, King-Lewis, wrote a battle report for Montaro over at Executed in the classic Frenchy style, check out his report of Montaro vs the infamously bad mannered [9]NTT Here.


Battle reporters needed!      Apr 16 2000
Xena of has asked me to gather up some reporters for his World Gaming League 2v2 finals. Some very big names are playing, and the games will make for some great reports. Check the details in the forum here. If you can help out drop me some mail at Thanks!


WilliamWC3 Interview      Apr 16 2000
Willy got interviewed over at Check it out and find out what the big man's philosophy of battle reporting is Here.

Mark4      Apr 14 2000
"If you aren't laughing because you haven't caught on to my sarcasm, or you don't find this funny, please don't visit my site anymore. :P "
With lines like that, who can resist visiting Monty? Check out his new site. One man's personal view of starcraft and life in general.


Rook's Corner Update      Apr 11 2000
Check out Rook's Corner for an interview with RubberDucky. And read the battle report where Ducky takes on Whoop!

The Return of the BGH Chronicles!      Apr 10 2000
Drefsab has brought back his BGH strat of the day series for one final episode. Trust me folks, this is one of his funniest yet. Read it for yourself and see why his his Hall Of Fame decription reads "Funniest man on".


Big Ethermoon Update      Apr 06 2000
For those of you following the Strifeshadow game, we've just released a large update including more story, two new units, better site organization and more. Pretty soon we will release another few units and replace our crappy forum with Johnny_Vegas's gosu freeware forum!

Some of you guys visiting our forum are very intuitive guessers when it comes to the story as well. Impressive.


Again...      Apr 01 2000
Both Bob_the_Newt and ::Nobody:: ran neck and neck again this month, trading 1st place back and forth on the last day. I'm not sure how this could happen two months in a row, but congratulations to both. Since we've inducted 4 people in 2 months, we're taking a month or two away from the HOF poll. Congratulations Bob and Nobody.


Vegas Forum 1.0 Freeware available      Mar 28 2000
I finished the Vegas Forum 1.0! This forum is simple to install for anyone that has mySQL and PHP available on their webserver. You can download it in the links section or right HERE! Its free, you just can't redistribute it as your own.

Johnny_Vegas      Mar 27 2000 has us listed in thier Strategy Game Site section. Feel free to go over there and check out what people have been saying, or add your own opinion by becoming a reviewer Here.


GameSpy News      Mar 23 2000
In an interview with myself and the others from Ethermoon Entertainment, I slipped in a link to You can find the interview here: GameSpy

Be sure to check the news at Ethermoon over the next day or two. Another update, including revealing a new unit, is planned.


Tao Ladder      Mar 22 2000
Our very own [FLS]Prozerran has made the news over at Tao. Check out what happens when you have a ladder system based on honor and try it on!


Hiring Graphics Artist for      Mar 18 2000
I and many others are creating a fansite by the name of (.org might point to it too) wherein you'll find the best news, battle reports, and strategies for the debut release of Ethermoon entertainment. Most positions are already filled for programmers and news reporters, but we are still in need of one or two good graphic artists to help design the site and make custom graphics. You must be proficient in the creation of custom graphics and have some experience with designing for the web. Contact if your interested, be prepared to show some samples of your work.


Strifeshadow News      Mar 17 2000
A new screenshot and a new unit animation can be found at Ethermoon's website. We're also featuring a team history and a bit of the world history. I've seen so many of you from at the forums, giving us your support. Thanks. It's hard work, but everyone is working very hard to meet the expectations of hardcore gamers.

Make sure to look around the site for all the new features... oh, and yes, the screenshot is reduced from actual size. The unit GIFs are actual unit sizes at this time.


To the community      Mar 15 2000
I'd just like to say that I'm continually impressed and amazed at the high quality reports that keep coming in. I didn't dream that this site would turn into what it is today. And without YOU guys the writers, would be nothing. It was less than a year ago when Mark4 and I were just starting up the site and trying to show people what a "Good" report should looked like. Well hehe, I can't speak for Mark4, but the reports that come in now days, have reached new levels of excellence far beyond what we envisioned reports COULD be at the outset of



The other half      Mar 13 2000
Do you ever get the impression that every single report on this site is about the best players since X'Ds~Grrr.... logged onto Well, you wont have that impression after reading THIS little gem by Sp|ne. Special Bonus! Lamer poll included at the end of the report!


Vegas Forum 0.9 beta is up!      Mar 13 2000
Hey I finally wrote my own forum, so we don't have to put up with that crappy one, or crappy PERL forums. The new forum has a few of the following features.

  • Automatic No Text feature (thanks to Artius for suggestion)
  • The entire thread of a post is shown, instead of threads just below it on the thread.
  • I made it easily portable using a config file, so I can release it as freeware.

So tell me if you find any bugs, or some cool feature you'd like to see.


The Little Gaming Company that Could      Mar 10 2000
Ethermoon Entertainment has officially opened the doors of its website today. While Zileas is the best known member of the team, we (at Ethermoon) are all working very hard to create a horribly addicting RealTimeStrategy game.


PHP4 Zend optimizer      Mar 09 2000
The second the Zend optimizer was released my sys admin added it to the server. The site should be faster all around now. Zoooooom!

Hall of Fame Goes Down to the Wire!      Mar 01 2000
February's photo finish has been determined by the staff and raters. We decided that the best thing to do would be to induct both WilliamWC3 and [FLS]prozerran.

Bob_the_Newt was a close third, followed by Shockwave and Necrosausage. Everyone got a respectable amount of votes. Congrats to all. This month's choices are now available. Hit refresh if you don't see them.

Have a nice day,

Rating System Fixed      Feb 28 2000
Because I moved the site to a new server, the ratings script pointed to the incorrect address for the database. Anyway, it should be fixed now.

New Web Server      Feb 28 2000 has switched to its own dedicated server thanks to my friends over at The site should generally load much faster with less database down time that has been an occasional problem in the past. I'm aware of the error messages that popup in the forum, that's because I am now using a beta version of PHP4. A new forum is the next thing on my list of things to do.


Got some Email today      Feb 24 2000
Check out this request I got in the email today.

Hello, i love your page, and i am helping make a page and i was looking for a script where people could submit reports and i was wondering if you would send me yours since it seems to work very nicely.

Yeah sure buddy just take my report submission script!



Hall of Fame kicks into high gear!      Feb 22 2000
The race is on for the February Hall of Fame nomination!
Check out the best reports by our competitors by clicking on thier names:
BoB_The_Newt, [FLS]Prozerran, WilliamWC3, Shockwave, and Necrosausage!
Good Luck to all the nominees!

News Editor Added      Feb 11 2000
Well your going to see a lot more news on the site from now on. I made a little web-based news editor so now YRM and Mark4 will probably be adding as much or more news items than me. Also they wont have to email me to have it posted. See Mark! Nagging me does get you somewhere!


Dref Wins!      Feb 05 2000
The great Drefsab has won the Hall of Fame of poll, and will be admitted into the Hall of Fame as soon as we can. Congratulations Drefsab!

Hall of Fame Heats Up!      Jan 18 2000
HOF race heats up! Check out the lastest awesome reports by the HOF nominees!

Jan 17th

There is currently a petition at (The Pages of Now and Forever) to ask Toys For Bob to produce another Star Control game. I don't know if you've ever played Star Control, but it is arguably the best computer game ever created.


Jan 10th

YourRoleModel has created another awesome wallpaper for you to download! Check it out in the Images and Credits section.

Jan 3rd

SuperGeneral and other regulars have created a nice little website called Space Station Omega. Be sure to check it out!

Jan 2nd

The winner of the Hall of Fame voting was Johnny_Vegas with 247 votes, 2nd place was [FLS]Prozerran with 158, 3rd place Drefsab with 93, and 4th place Fractal_Wave with a respectable 84 votes. Johnny will be added to the HOF very soon, and a new HOF poll will be added.

Dec 14th

If you want to read an awesome report check this one out...WilliamWC's Report

Dec 12th

Go check out the new Rook interview report, where Mark4 interviews Bob_the_Newt! Check it out here. Also if you like this website go vote for us at

Dec 9th

SuperGeneral one of our most frequent visitors, is hosting a compeition on his website. Here is what he has to say about it.
Its a 1on1 Brood War tournament, but its a bit different than your everyday one. It requires a bit of FFA skills. You have a home world, and you must defend it from opposing players. Once a week, each player attacks a part of your homeworld, and you must defend it in a 1on1 match. It will be interesting to find out what happens when we have more players in a conflict to rule Sector X! You can see more rules and info here or view the host Here.

Nov 29th

Changed the number of reports displayed back to 25! Woohoo! This was a result of my journey to Tibet where I consulted with the coding gods to speed the access of the battle reports database. The Tibetian monk Darkblade sat down with me and did complex algorithmic analysis to determine the absolute most efficient way to retrieve data. Thanks Darkblade you da man!

Nov 29th

Changed the number of reports displayed on one page from 25, to 10. This speeds up the loading of each page. I'm looking into more ways of improving load time.

Nov 16th

Added 68 MORE quotes that Fractal assembled for us.

Nov 14th

Fractal_Wave assembled 61 quotes from some of our best reports. A random one will now appear at the top of each page.

Nov 11th

Mark4 interviews Ahscar-X in the latest Rook's Corner.

Nov 5th

Phiber~Optik's HTML Guide has been posted! Check it out here.

Nov 4th

Rook delivers a beat down on the Death Knight, check it out in this new


Nov 2nd


Did something change?
-Article by YourRoleModel

Nov 1st

Guess who Mark4 has been smurfing as? Read this report to find out!

Oct 25th

For a Age of Kings report to drool over click here.

Oct 21st

Give it up for Bob_the_Newt and Fractal_Wave for two fantastic Starcraft reports.

Oct 14th

As a teaser to the upcoming new look to the website, YourRoleModel created a movie for you to enjoy, get it HERE(900K). For best results, download it and play the movie on your computer. If the movie viewer you have won't playback the file, get Quicktime 4.0 here.

Well I finally broke down and put up a forum for the site. I was going to write my own, but I stumbled upon an awesome forum in my favorite programming language (PHP), so I said what the heck I'll use it. It has quite a few cool features like "search" that lets you search the forum for a keyword.

Oct 13th

Well we've made some changes on the structural layout of the site. Now you'll find that we have officially branched out to accept reports from other games. Played a good game of pong lately? Got screenshots of it? We'll take it!

Oct 6th

A few announcements today. First of all YourRoleModel writes another kick ass report! Check it out here. We like YRM so much here at that Mark4 and I decided to make him a full fledged partner. Hehe, now I can force him to write more reports or I won't pay him! Just kidding, hehe.. (not a bad idea though).

The "Live Chat" applet now has 3 new features, "/away","/users",and "/clear". The away feature works just like it does on The users command gives you a quick summary of who is in what room and the clear command clears the chat area.

Oct 4th

YourRoleModel was given award by
Check it out here

Sept 16th.

Check out our NEW chat system! Try it out here.

Sept 12th.

Check out this fantastic report by who else? YourRoleModel! check it out here.

Sept 10th.

Someone created a tourney on Sign up here.

August 26th

A cool new starcraft site has opened up. lets you register your friends and enemies in the game of your choice, and has a discussion board welcoming in depth imbalance debate for starcraft.

August 23rd

YourRoleModel's Guide to Graphics has now been linked off of the main menu. Thanks for the nice guide, looks great!

August 18th

Email with new humourous slogans to display underneath the banner ads!

A new feature on the submit report page has been added. There is now a checkbox that you can click that will disable the auto-insertion of
tags. ~CattleBruiser~ recently mentioned this to me, and it was a sorely needed feature, as it has caused EXTRA spacing on reports where people used there own
(line break) html tags. So basically your html will be preserved if you click that box. Also I've had complaints about people having trouble setting their own background color. Well you don't have to use font tags between every table data cell. You can override the style sheets that this site uses by simply using your own style sheets. For an example view the source of my latest report "Late Night in Vegas". If you have any more questions feel free to email me.

August 12th

~CattleBruiser~ just wrote a ground breaking masterpiece. Check it out here.

August 5th

YourRoleModel just made a stunning battle report, probably the best I've ever seen, you can find it here

In other news, ~CattleBruiser~ is making a comeback! Here is what he emailed me.


Just wanted to let you know that I retired from EQ tonight, so I'll probably be around a bit more for judging BRs, rather than the once a week I do now.

I do want to get back to playing and writing BRs, but a 3 month hiatus has done bad things to my reflexes. The last game I played was in July and even that one was lost when I forgot that you can make Control groups :)

Catch you later,

July 27th

There is a new 2v2 tournament, open to NoHunters guy's only. Hosted by DarkHawke. Go here for details, tourney page.

July 19th

Now, whenever you post a comment your IP address will be automatically posted along with it. This will make "imposter" posts impossible, and also will enable me to identify spammers and abusers and ban them from posting reports and comments. Hopefully we don't have to resort to that however.

July 9th

Two new links to get to a report's comments section has been added due to public outcry. Also I am looking for a few small graphics like the one you see above with the bengalaas and the ursadon. Small "comical" scenes depicting Starcraft units with optional captions would be appreciated. Credit will be given to anyone whose images we use, and any left over may go into a "Picture Gallery" page or something. Make sure they are less than 30K to be considered. Email your pics to

July 4th

There's a new tournament called the MM Tourney. It looks more organized than the previous tournaments going on lately.

June 30th

Ladies and gentlemen, we are currently accepting applications for people to become battle report raters. Preference will be given to people with demonstrated battle report writing skills, as these people have shown the greatest level of interest in this site. Please submit all applications to Current raters must contact the site to continue as raters at this time.

You can now search by rating with the search engine! Also I added a "Preview Report" button at the bottom of the submission page.

June 17th

Ok, there was a database problem with the comments. All comments added today have been deleted! Sorry. It should work fine from now on.

June 16th

I believe Old~El~Paso is having a tournament as well. Check it out at this forum.

June 15th

Sign up for the War Wolves Tournament! The link is here. Mark4 and Johnny_Vegas are a 2v2 team along with many others.

June 13th

A search engine for finding your favorite author's reports has been added. Check it out here

May 28th

It's Bengalaas time everyone!

Reports rated 1-3.9 get a Bronze Bengalaas
Reports rated 4-6.9 get a Silver Bengalaas
Reports rated 7-10 get a Gold Bengalaas

C'mon people lets shoot for those coveted Gold Bengalaases! Woohoo!
(Bengalaas images provided by Smoked Pork)

May 27th

Ratings system is in place! The staff is currently in the process of rating the reports that have already been entered, then I will add in the "search by rating" filter afterwards. You will notice a new column in the view reports page.

May 26th

The staff members have decided that a public ratings system is a bad idea. Instead we will elect a small number of "Report Reviewers" to rate reports. Basically we will let you be a report reviewer only if you have demonstrated good report writing ability. We apologize to all that were looking forward to rating reports, but we believe this new method is best for the quality of the site.

May 25th

By tomorrow I should have the ratings system implemented. This will let you our users rate reports on a scale of 1-10. This will help people find the reports worth reading. Also I will be adding a new section view reports by rating to the view reports page. If in the meanwhile, your having trouble finding good reports here are some links to some of my personal favorites.

May 10th

Thanks go to Smoked_Pork for his contribution of the header graphics you see on this site. Also thanks go out to ~CattleBruiser~ for his excellent battle report guide.

May 8th

After much user demand, I finally implemented the battle report comments system! Now you can comment on other's battle reports, and they can comment on yours. I also made the site more netscape friendly. Everything should show up fine for those people.

May 7th

The View Reports page is working! I am going to add much more, like a search ability, but the basics are there now. If you feel like posting a report go ahead, you are also encouraged to upload some JPGs to go along with your report. It would be nice to get a few reports added, it would help my testing of the site. Any comments or suggestions email or

May 3rd

I got the submit report page up and running. I will probably make changes to it later, but its done for now. I am working on the view reports page currently, so I guess you can submit your reports but you can't look at them yet!